.........Nouveau Vie.........

Making The Conclusion

2012-01-23T09:16:00.000-08:00

Yonks ago, when I started to learn science formally, we were introduced to protocols. First you gotta have motive. And then you gotta make observations, hypothesis and carry out a set of procedures. After you collected the result, analysis should be done and after taking into considerations of many things, then only you can draw the conclusion.

I mean, people shall not jump into conclusion that hastily. Seeing a fraction of people's life, albeit for an extended time isn't sufficient for making a conclusion, because you are seeing only a fraction. There's more to discover really and you never know.

Scared

2012-01-20T16:42:00.000-08:00

I have always thought that I am a claustrophobic. For one, I don't fancy sitting in the ferry to Langkawi.

And today I found out that I really am a claustrophobic. I can't believed that I was trapped in a teeny toilet and didn't even have the logic to think that there should be a small window when the toilet door completely seals the doorframe.

I couldn't even think what would happen if it will be going on for more than 15 minutes. Now, free of the toilet confinement, I think I would end up in a psychiatrist watch has it been more than what I've been through.

It has been eventful, and maybe being a claustrophobe can be good in a way that it motivates me to be a better servant to Allah. I don't want my liang lahad to just fit me.

The One and Only

2012-01-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

I came across this poem. It seems familiar. I must have forgotten about it but I am sure it was there somewhere in my teenage years. And I miss my one and only, daddy. Though he may not be 100% like the poem below. Never wrote me a letter, and always greet me with his receeding tummy (albeit still buncit) on skype.

Abah working on my favourite balitong. Actually we were competing over who will finish first. Obviously I lost terribly. It's my first time and the balitong kept flying in different directions other than into the basin.

Kujabat mesra tangan ayah
Urat-urat daging-daging tua keras terasa
Mataku tersenyum, matanya menyapa
Anak yang pulang disambut mesra.

Tapi matanya, mata yang menatapku
Kolam-kolam derita dan pudar bulan pagi
Garis-garis putih lesu melingkungi hitam-suram
Suatu kelesauan yang tak pernah dipancarkan dulu.

Kelibat senyum matanya masih jua ramah
Akan menutup padaku kelesuan hidup sendiri
Bagai dalam suratnya dengan kata-kata siang
Memintaku pulang menikmati beras baru.

Anak yang pulang di sisi ayahnya maka akulah
merasakan kepedihan yang tercermin di mata
Meski kain pelekatnya bersih dalam kesegaran wuduk
Dan ia tidak pernah merasa, sebab derita itu adalah dia.

~Usman Awang

Something That I Want to Protect

2012-01-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

I am listening to poem recitations. Malay poems.

One after another and then I clicked on the poem Melayu by Usman Awang.

I ticked the Malay box in all my forms. I guess I am a Malay. I mean during History lesson back in high school Malay is defined as someone who speaks Malay, is a muslim and adopt Malay tradition.

I fulfilled all three so I am a Malay am I not.

And then when I heard the poem, I begin to questions.

You see, when I was small, I live in this small bay at the northwest end of Penang.

There were Malays, Chinese and Indians.

Each of the race has distinct tradition and values.

It was a melting pot. We live alongside each other and hang out with each other.

And then I grow up and expand my horizon.

What I see and experience saddens me.

I mean, we are slowly disregarding our traditions and is very much westernized.

Very much so. The culture we are adopting is almost homogenous but we are, puzzlingly, at each others'throats.

As the poem goes on, I realised that most of people aren't as Malay anymore.

When people nowadays talk, they don't talk that nicely let alone softly. I don't believe this anymore for you see I have been in an almost perfect circle but when I mix into the crowd, I don't recognize their language. Even their body language scares me.

Being polite is scoffed upon and limits are non existent.

But then, I recognize the Malay described in the poem.

The Malay in the poem is the one from my first 12 years of life.

And then I went into boarding school. That place is like a hybrid of palace and jail. Almost everything is in order. There are limits and restrictions and etiquette.

And then I went to PLKN. I met a totally different crowd. The language is still familiar but the culture not. I came across many shocking things in PLKN.

I then went to do prep course for a year and I met people like the peeps from high school again and not long after I flew into central Europe.

My friends are still the almost perfect people, with manners, limits and restrictions, though they may be thinking globally but their actions are still within limit.

But then there will be summer when I will go back and see the crowd being so liberal and the people from my first 12 years of life that I left for a good amount of time have become alien to me. Why world why?

And then there are numbers of international fellow students who insist on "having fun''.

I mean, everybody has their own preference and way of having fun.

Why should you force "having'' fun on people? There are others who don't join in and nobody makes a fuss of it, just because they are minority so you don't really notice them.

People, for some people, there are something that they want to protect.

For me, as a Muslim and Malay, I take pride in not going to clubs, bars and disco. You can insist that I just come over and order something non alcoholic but then what's the purpose of going? It's not like I want to rock the dance floor too. You know what?there is something, that when you do it, it neither degrade or upgrade you. But for certain other things, when you do it, you can risk losing the values you hold. That is if you ever heard of the meaning of the word principle.

For me, there are lines that I can cross and there are grounds that I shouldn't step on. I don't feel burdened by it but it's more like a satisfication for me to be able to exercise self control.

Don't take things to heart when we decline some invitation. Plus, it deosn't look like we decline it harshly for you to be pissed off.

And let me tell you one thing. When you ask me to go to such places aforementioned with the arguement of I don't need to take alcohol, I've always have this question for you ~ and when I do that, what's next you are going to ask me to do?

In case you don't realise, I, have something that I want to protect. My root.

Kawad Kaki PLKN

2012-01-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

I anticipated going to PLKN, all the activities excite me but there's an exception. I dreaded foot drill(will be referred as kawad kaki afterwards), and unfortunately it's like the main agenda of our physical activities.

For the record, I have always fainted during band marching back in high school that it's the indication for break for all the band members. I've tried all sorts of tips and whatsnot like staring into green bodies, but it just end up the same, dimmed vision and plop!

It didn't help when I fainted during our very first assembly in PLKN, held in the early morning with the mist still hanging around and to make things worst, was in the mass hall.I know right?

It was such an embarassment that I covered myself up under the duvet when the camp commandant paid his visit shortly after the assembly (the sickbay is just next to mass hall)

Bukit padang kawad

And if you want to know, the selection of headgirl in our company was done based on kawad kaki skill. Pathetic!

Anyway, we had some other physical activities the first few days. Stuff like carrying 2 big bin bags full of PLKN articles like boots, sport shoes, combat suits, poncho etc and assessing the trainee fitness. I am sure that by the end of PLKN, every trainee was almost as fit as a horse. You need to see my camp for yourself to understand what I am talking about. And when you see the camp, do realise that we went up and down the hills no less than 6 times a day.

So when the dreaded news "we will start the kawad kaki training this afternoon" came, my face fell and my stomach knotted. I did horrible for the first few sessions.

But then, there's no escaping it. We were trained very well.

Sometimes we did it in the whole company, and sometimes we did it in fours.

Under the scorching hot sun, and the fact that we are nearer to it thanks to the location ~accommodation hilltop, instructed by ex armies and with newfound words (to us) the likes of cilabai laut, malaun etc. blaring around.

I picked things up and tried my best to like this skill.

They even made us tukar langkah countless of time when we march our way down the steepest hill. As if marching down a hill is not hard enough we had to do tukar langkah, check-up, buat kerja, check-up!, jangan malass, check-up!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as written in the fate, I was selected among others to be the 20 girls sent for the intercompany competition. I still hadn't come to love foot drill by that time. I had to put up with more intense training of the foot drill and I just sucked it up. There's no escaping it. And on the competition day itself, dressed head to toe in our marvellous celoreng biru, our berets glazing with the PLKN badges, our boots waxed to shine, we were sweating and all nervous, waiting our turn, which drew last. The tension was floating around even though we were waiting downhill. Though all the crowds and the competing teams were invisible to us, the shouted commands, solid thumps fom the drill and cheering of the audience were audible an echoed in between the two hills.

And then came our turn. It was right at noon and the sun was directly above us. Steadily, and surely we marched up the hill that hosted our tarmac drill field. We were all focused, smartly dressed and urm, 10 shades darker than our original complexions. As for me myself, that was the most heartfelt foot drill for me. The platoon felt like one, we swung our arms firmly, stomp at the same time and our head held up. We rolled it perfectly and marched downhill, satisfied. We all know it was the best performance we ever put up, and cikgu Awie will eat up his words and acknowledge us. Most importantly I didn't passed out and my new answer to foot drill ~bring it on!

This is the video of us during the competition.Quality is rather low but you can see how hot it was from the poorly visible characters on the flying flags.

As told, kawad is a major thing in PLKN. And well, we swept clean all the first places - kawad wirawati, kawad wira and ketua platun terbaik. Alpha panthera roared! Aummmm!!!!

Photos are from fellow trainees Kumpulan 1 Siri 4 Kem PLKN Bukit Besar, Kulim, Kedah.

The Basic

2012-01-08T13:51:00.000-08:00

Long time ago, I studied IT. Funny subject I must say, which is attributed to the fact that we learned in Malay. It took us a week to decode what kayu ria is.

To excel in that subject is to know the rope. It's a subject that a geek struggle to get an A and someone who knows only sufficient knowledge on how to use Ms Office and internet surfing get full mark.

I remember what the IT teacher said to this day, that the subject is just like a cake.

That is you gotta make the basic (cake) perfect and then only can you proceed to decorate it with icings and whatsnot.

Today I am pondering about it once again. I mean, people in general are so busy in decorating a cake than making sure the cake is perfect. You gotta posses an incredible telepathic skill to decode this metaphore. And here I am, perfectly aware of the thing, and is bothered by it but unfortunately don't know how to tell them to stop decorating the cake and get back to making a perfect cake before decorating. How about me you ask?well, I can live without cake and not so interested in making one, for the time being.but I am learning the basic for future cakemaking.

Geli Hati

2012-01-05T11:13:00.000-08:00

Tengok drama. Seorang lelaki kemalangan, dimasukkan ke hospital dipasang ECG. Lelaki itu sedang nazak dan kemudiannya meninggal dunia. Scene di mana hembusan nafas terakhir diambil pada sudut yang menampakkan ECG monitor. Sebaik sahaja lelaki itu meninggal, ECG wave di monitor menjadi flat. Di monitor juga terpapar, ECG lead off. Reaksi saya -- ERKK?????

True and Sad Stories from the Toilet

2012-01-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, they are sad stories happening in the pensieve room.Believe me.

Once upon a moon ago, I read a news about man suffering from nasty burn because he smoked when doing his business.

Apparently this man didn't know that his bowel has methane (a combustible gas). All he know that it is flatulence. So people, take note, your fart contains methane. And when you pass stool, you'll also do microfart(s).

So obviously : the fuel (methane) + heat (the cigarette) = flame

flame in small cubicle + your body ----> burn

I guess the man learnt his lesson. He should by now. And you should learn the lesson from him too.

Second sad story is unfortunately, most of the time, unavoidable.

Some people have DVT (deep vein thrombosis) and is unaware of it, because most of the time, DVT are asymptomatic.

But when you do Valsava maneuvre (layman's term is straining to evacute your bowel), the silent DVT decides to be noisy and change its name. It dislocates due to the pressure and travels up into the heart and out of the heart into vessels going to the lung. It is most unfortunate when the embolus get trapped in the early portion of the vessel going to the lung (which diameter is large), which almost always mean sudden death.

Remember how death can greet you anytime? Well, this is one of the wayS death can choose to fetch maybe you, and maybe me. (T_T)

Logic

2012-01-03T16:15:00.000-08:00

Many a times in medical school, logic is essential.

So, the question is, what is the most common tumor in the gastrointestinal tract?

Carcinoid pop out from my mind when I heard this question but then when I inject some logic, it doesn't seem to be the answer seeing that there's not so many enteroendocrine cell in the gut (well, RELATIVELY, it's not that many really).

And yes, carcinoid is not the MOST common tumor in GIT.

Jagalah Allah, Allah Menjagamu

2011-12-31T08:54:00.000-08:00

I was decluttering my racks when I found the booklet of the Forty Hadiths given by Kak Didi long time ago.

I went through all forty hadiths and had a really good feeling. Let me share one of the hadiths with you.

Take care of Allah, He Will Take Care of You

On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas, who said : One day I was behind the prophet and he said to me:

"Young man, I shall teach you some words (of advice) : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah. Know that if the Nation were to gather to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried"

narrated by Termithi, who said it is true and fine hadith.

Photo from Niksyu.

Grace

2011-12-29T13:56:00.000-08:00

It's nearing the end of December and today is such a bright day that I thought we are in spring.
I decided to be productive today. Whipped up bakeless chocolate cheesecake, went grocery shopping and urm, made sliced radish kimchi, which I suspect is not sliced radish kimchi.

I went to Harrachov at the beginning of Christmas break for heaps of snow and ski lesson.
Boy, was it mesmerising. I almost forgot that the snow is so sparkly and white.
Skiing is err, a mix of everything.
I mean it's great when you zoom down and still on both your skis.
And then there are times when I, the lanky one, had a hard time to adjust my pizza and ends up on my back, sometimes with both the skiis off.
Sledging is also a fun thing.

Anyway, I thought it's just not my luck to attend weddings and instead of attending weddings, I directly jumped to the next thing on the agenda ~visiting friends' newborn.
I went down to Olomouc to visit Ahmad Wafi Husaini, a tiny, sepet, nocturnal, adorable bundle of joy.
Man, newborns are sure small it puts me off from holding them.
But then, Dalila wrapped him up in a bundle and just then was I confident to hold him.

I think I am slowly getting to understand why people decide to have baby in the early stage of the marriage. It feels so good to hold a baby in your arms.

I feel so good, about everything, and about being a Muslim in particular.
I may not be accelerating in making a good progress as a Muslim but I am progressing at a slower pace.
I have been reading the forty hadiths and found each one of them really close to my heart.
I guess, its the element of wanting the best in the human me that recognise the familiarity.
Islam is definitely one thing that I am sure about and it is my greatest hope that I'll die a Muslim, just as I was born as one. Ameen.

Gambar ihsan mama Ahmad Wafi Husaini.

Akhlak

2011-12-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

I haven't been into that many Czech households. I have been to my landlord's, a neighbour's and to the student hall.
But it amazes me of how clean their abodes are.
I've been in my landlord's on a monthly basis and everything is so neat and tidy, everytime I am there.
I am a slouch myself in domestic cleaning. You can caught me sometimes in a cluttered room (albeit,thankfully still haven't gone to the extent of a rat's hole).

I think it is a fitrah that we are attracted to clean and beautiful things.
But I must admit that it's hard to maintain.
There will be times when I am so motivated that I'll scrub the bathtub and the kitchen floor in one go.
And my laundry often stay in the basket for a good few days before they'll find themslves nicely folded and inside the closet.
I have a junior living upstairs which is so peristent in cleaning that it motivates me to copy her everytime I come back from their apartment.
I mean, she is always wiping the refrigerator, decluttering and even wiping the dishes and store them into places.
Just why I can't be as persistent?
They say akhlak is like a refleks. an acquired one.

I think it's abut time for me to go to the next phase of implementation.
I've been admiring for quite sometime and next time, I'll tell myself, ok just clean and clean and declutter.
Allah is going to give me brownie points and if I can't yet be a good Muslim in other aspect, at least in this one, I can.
I don't look up to people on no reason. And one of the strong point that I respect in other people is that how they carry themselves, in their own house, where most eyes don't see.

Pet Peeve

2011-12-13T09:37:00.000-08:00

One of my many peeves is that something or someone that's got the look but in essence is ruined

As in looking so beautiful you can't even bring yourself to eat that while in essence the taste isn't that impressing or worst, not even cooked.hehehe

Or someone who looks so pure and good on the outside while actually is a lazy bum that lives off sweat and time of other people.

Well, today, I actually produce such a thing, in the form of chicken curry.

It got this look of normal Malay chicken curry that I've never accomplished before.

But then, on tongue, the curry is thin in consistency and nonetheless it still taste of curry but it's far from what I want it to be.

With that as an example, I just want to warn you, I am no kitchen nymph.

If I cook a storm today, doesn't mean I can make a perfect soft boiled egg for breakfast next morning.

Just Thinking, Again

2011-12-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

That some people don't even need alcohol to be unreasonable and make fool out of themselves.

And some people are so ignorant to the extent of being obnoxious.

Ya Allah, jauhilah aku dari sifat-sifat sebegini.

Counting The Blessings

2011-12-11T12:27:00.000-08:00

I hit twenty second last Friday.

The previous evening, my friends threw an intimate celebration for us.

I have always celebrate my birthday with Mell, who's born on 10/12/88 eversince I come to Czech Republic.

The spreads are artery clogging ~ nasi minyak paired with ayam masak merah (with second serving), shepherd pie, a piece of salad (yes, only a piece), oreo cheesecake with a dash of sausage brine and float (cola+vanilla/peanut icecream) but it didn't stop us from digging in.

Good thing Cikin has Wii console, so I burned most of the calories canoeing, wakeboarding, slicing, playing tennis and laughing in the room.

This year birthday is different from others. Sitting in a circle with the girls, I finally realised that I have never passed a birthday without companion. In my 22 years of life, I have the privilege of having living parents, siblings, aunty, uncle and cousins. I have gone hungry a few times but never famine. Sure I have my shares of ups and downs but most of the time, I have had chances, rare chances, which many could only dream of. I have friends whom I treasure. I am ever so thankful for all these things. I hope Allah will grant me my wish, to die a Muslim. I have been lucky to be born one and I hope I will die as one. Ameen.

Stars

2011-12-07T14:13:00.001-08:00

I went on trip to the observatory last evening. While my friend from high school is welcoming his firstborn in Olomouc.

So yesterday has been a good day.

Catched up with some friends on the way there by foot.

Watched the town from the top. Town looked pretty and at the same time lonely.

Gave some mixed maruku and cold hard (tuhy) bilis fritters which were hit among the Czechs.

And sat down in a small dark auditorium to listen to the Czech introduction about stars, tectonic plates, moons and planets.

Good thing there's 2 videos in english.

Went out on the roof to watch Jupiter, the king of all planet.

Really I thought it was just another star on the night sky, albeit more bright than the others.

It's winter and the wind was blowing the president said nah, this is cryotherapy.

I said, stay another 3 hours cryotherapy will become cryopreservation.

Got the joke?Good.

Do not?Go study the biology book.

Sky was rather cloudy, still I see more stars than I do back in Nerudova.

Looking at stars is just looking at the history.

Looking at stars can also be interpreted as looking at the place where the dreams are born.

Looked through the telescope and saw one of the Jupiter's moons.

Then went down into the hemisphere where the giant telescope is.

Dome is made of panelled wood and it's opened for obvious reason.

Flashes from camera made me feel like I'll get epilepsy anytime ~ medical school has turned me into hypochondriac.

This telescope is superb, I saw Jupiter in it's glory, milky brown with 2 brown stripes and also two of its moons.

Then went into the planetarium cinema, watching the artificial night sky, made to look just like the sky outside at that time.

Explanation in Czech, didn't get to know anything but one thing ~ my Czech command is not poor, it's rather, abysmal.

Seems like at different level of darkness, some stars shine brighter and some stars get dimmer.

Don't know how the ancient people can say this group of stars is a fish and that group of stars is a dragon.

People from the time before used stars as a reference for direction in their physical journey, especially those seamen.

Would it be nice if I let my future kid to learn about it? But then, is it reliable? I mean we know the stars that we see today is their shine from thousand or million years ago and the star that we are looking at may have not exist anymore. So it would be possible, that in some time, the star will dissappear from the night sky forever.

Nothing is immortal, except Allah.

But then, we can still see the shine of a bright star, for some given time, eventhough the existence of the star itself has become questionable.

They told us in 35 billion years (if I am not mistaken), our milky way will collide with andromeda, the closest galaxy and the two will fuse together and there will be no more spiral configuration of milky way.

But before that, we all will already die from bitter cold.

Come to think of it, the sun is already beyond prehistoric it will shut down before we reach 35 billions years start counting from now.

Don't worry, I am believing in the day after tomorrow.

It's told that usually two galaxy will casually brush each other and stay close to each other before the great gravities of both draw them to each other where they will fuse together.

And really I should be studying about drugs for diabetic right now.

p/s : one of the thing that I want to do is watching aurora borealis.

Amputation

2011-12-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

This morning I went to listen to reconstructive surgery lectures.

In the afternoon, I went to watch a destructive surgery.

This morning we learnt of a case where an old lady is suffering from plethora of diseases, which according to our lecturer, will make a good pathological muzeum.

This is a dark joke to some but it is a reality.

If you don't get the joke, don't worry much.

Anyway, when Dr Asqar proposed for us to go into amputation surgery, I just know that I am not ready for it.

I have a rough idea what amputation means and I don't think going to watch one on a short notice is a good idea.

Still, we changed into our scrub and went into the OT.

It's above knee amputation for a 84 y.o. man suffering from Diabetes Mellitus type 2.

Basically, this surgery is done under epidural anesthesia (where you will not feel half down of your body) and some sedation. So, the patient was coughing even when they are scraping his thigh bone.

We were there when they prepare the patient and I couldn't escape from thinking about that man.

I mean, the very man who's lying in front of me, all four limbs attached is going to lose one leg. How must he be feeling right then.

It's very disturbing to me.

I handle other surgeries pretty well ~ I can watch surgeon drills, hammers, sews, punches or cut through skin.

But I know even before it starts, that sawing someone leg or transplanting faces is a bit too much for me.

Thanks Allah for those shoulders that I can embrace, watching the sawing and the bloodsquirts.

Enough with the emotional part.

I hope I won't be visiting any amputation again anytime soon.

The amputation went well. The patient was coughing sometimes that at some times, that causes the blood squirts. The mega blood squirt came last, when they cut through the collateral artery.

Surgeon will ligate the arteries by suturing both walls on the same artery to prevent the suture from slipping down the vessel.

The upper thigh is raised using a long white cloth placed from below the thigh while the surgeon saw through the femur (the thigh bone). They then smoothes the cut just like how you file your nail and stick a wax into the hollow opening on the cut bone.

The amputated leg itself is put into a black plastic and put on the corner. (Imagine having your limb in the same room but not attached on your body)

Draining tube is put under the fascia to drain all the fluid that will accumulate postoperatively and they will clean the wound using peroxide before sewing the two flabs together.

End result looks like an overfilled pillow.

Patient will be given morfin for sometime after the peration to help with the ubearable pain.

Even after recovery from operation, there will be phanthom pain. On what it is, kindly google it up.

Just Thinking

2011-12-03T11:34:00.000-08:00

Whether

It is a reflection of the deep and careful thinking.

It is a reflection of the uncontained emotion.

Observant people usually know which and which.

One thing is one thing.

But one thing can be viewed from many different perspectives.

Unfortunately, very few of us celebrates this fact.

I, for one, is a very strongly opinionated person.

I don't dictate whether other point of view is wrong or right.

It's just that I have always have questions.

What makes you think like that?

And why do you do it like this?

I usually ask straightforwardly.

It means I am giving way for you to make explanation.

Judgemental?I am.

Verdict? I am not the one passing it.

And just like every other night, tonight, I'm going to sleep with a list of questions still left unanswered.

Oh well.

Resuscitation

2011-12-02T08:58:00.000-08:00

We went into the ward to see the patient that underwent sternal puncture.

Instead we stood in the ward - Dr, us, nurse - all looking outside the window.

Good thing is the patient was sleeping.

A patient on transfer slipped away and the transfer team had to resuscitate him or her in the middle of the stairs landing in the chilly November.

It's my first time watching CPR on real patient after almost 4 years in the medical school.

Maybe it's the fact that you rarely see such case given that even the nurses and doctor who realised what's going on stop on their track to watch.

The patient was put on the landing instead of the bed to provide firm base.

Two medical people took turns for chest compressions. It's known that chest compression is very tiring ~ according to new guidelines (2010), the rate should be AT LEAST 100 compressions/minute. Go figure!

Anyway, we got out of the ward to see the cardioversion machine on the 2nd floor. It took about 10 minutes before we were back to watching the CPR again (they were still resuscitating), now from the corridor.

I mean, we medical students were taught about CPR and this is where we will see the effectivity of it.

Before suddenly "The patient's dead"

As breezy as that.

I'm not talking about the remark made, rather I'm talking about the patient that die even after the notorious CPR was done.

15 minutes before, knowing there is a star at the end of the tunnel, the people went to perform CPR to revive the patient.

Still he left.

I said "What?How do you know that?The patient's dead"

My doctor said "I just know it. I have seen this before. They already stop resuscitating"

But then we saw the saline pack being hung back on the mobile bed.

Which means there's probability that they revived the patient.

Untill now, whether the patient was revived or dead, I never found out.

I just found out that I really need to go through the new guidelines of CPR and practise more on it.

2011-12-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

A reflection of Balqis maybe.

Intelligent, prosperous.

Just unfortunately looking up to the wrong direction.

Will there be that bird called Hud-hud.

Is there a reflection of Sulaiman extending an invitation.

An invintation to walk on the right path.

And the story will go on just like it had been before, not exactly but almost, almost exactly.

When the wit like that of Sulaiman's gets intelligent girl reflecting Balqis, see and choose the right path and humbly learn her lessons.

Is she Balqis or is she not

How about the Hud-hud or the blessed Sulaiman

Pondering. (and hoping that it won't cause epilepsy =p)

Traumatology Operation Room

2011-11-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

Has learnt my lesson.

All this while, I've roamed aroun the hospital comfortably in my white coat, student ID and sport shoes. So just you know, the Czech students go around the hospital in white shirt, white pants and student ID wearing socks and sandals.

I think many non Czechs agree with me that socks and sandal aren't in but in Czech it's a normal sight.

So, since I didn't do as the Romans do in Rome, I got to wear socks and plastics. Thanks Allah we changed into our scrubs. Hehehe.

Anyway traumatology operation room is interesting.

The are usually drills, screw driver and racks of screws of different sizes on the scrub tables.

There is always C-arm (the x-ray machine) and lots of blood.

I like the fact that we get adequate access to the x-ray images and about what's going on thanks to the camera and large screen in the OR.

Surgeons are the serious lots and do a lot of standing while anesthesists are the fun ones, sitting and monitoring the patients from the above.

First patient was an old lady with multiple fractures after she fall down.

She has osteoporosis and she broke her arm, both thigh bones and the right shin.

Surgeons operated on both legs.

Osteosynthesis was put into the femur with respect to the osteoporosis.

Still doctor said with her weight and her fractures, she won't be able to get on her two feet and has to be on the wheelchair.

Second patient was a man after bike accident.

He broke his tibia on two places and had multifragmented fracture on his fibula.

Surgeons had to do reduction and put the fibula back precisely on its physiological position so that the foot can function physiologically (means to say the foot can can rotate and distribute the pressure evenly )

Since the was torn ligament, they have to fix the fibula temporarily.

It's because when the ligament heals, there will be micromovements which can interfere with the fibula which hasn't healed completely.

I like it that our surgeon is willing to explain many things eventhough I catch only 70% of those explanation.

Let's face it, I'm a general medicine student and most of the time I have no idea what should I ask.

They did 180 degree x ray imaging on the ankle and all of us evacuate the OR (which means there's only the patient on the operating table in the OR) and watched the imaging procedure went by.

I had good times and I hope I'll experienced much more and gained a lot from my upcoming summer practicals.

TheWeekends

2011-11-22T15:04:00.000-08:00

I had all four consecutive weekends occupied. First had friend visiting from France. They covered 4 cities (of 3 different countries) in a week and by the time they arrived to Prague, they are pretty drained out. So, here I am giving you free tip ~ don't make Prague your last stop. The cobble stone road/alley will kill your feet. Anyway, apart from going to the same tourist spots, this time I went to Mirror Labyrinth. One word ~ fun. And I am so sorry to inform you of an outdated news, that the National Museum is closed for renovation for a whopping 5 years. I haven't really consider of going to visit anyway but when I heard about the closing, I became curious as to whether I've really lost an opportunity to visit.

The next weekend was Eid-ul Adha. It's a blessings to have a family away from family. The thing I love about Eid-ul Adha is that we can takbeer for 3 days (or is it 4 days?). We had potluck at Raudhah for girls, ignoring the fact that we have Igames on the next weekend. Food as usual was generous ~ bihun sup, bihun goreng, ketupat and rendang, sambal goreng, various jelly and pudding, fruit tarts, cakes and much more. Oh yes, even keropok lekor.

The Igames weekend didn't start off good. It didn't for contingent from Hradec Kralove. Motivation was rather low, plus the fact that we are significantly outnumbered by the other 2 localities. Still, Prague has this abilities to make the event enjoyable. As usual I stayed over at Vorsilka and it was really happening having Kirin, Kak Pia, some people from HK and the host themselves under one roof that having a proper hours of sleep doesn't matter anymore. Anyway, since we are short on people, we played more than 2 games per person (on average) and at the same time, trying our best to also be the supporters.

This photo is taken from CzeMSA group on Facebook.

Second day achievements was satisfactory and second day itself was so much fun even having cramped leg twice didn't lower my competitive spirit. Sadly the juniors from Hradec Kralove had to return to Hradec Kralove since they have to study for the daily tests which every international students in LFHK is well versed about. So, we gathered forced on the last day and charged forward. We swept gold for almost all the fun games ~ scrabble for both boy and girl, galah panjang, bola beracun and we managed to score even points with Prague and is just behing Olomouc by 10 points. We were ecstatic. People may wonder how can we be so happy for not being the last. But I pondered, that really, sometimes, less means more and I am proud of us. I really am.

After Igames, I was eagerly counting days for the weekend to come. Basically, we were expected to have motivation camp sponsored by MARA in Hilton Hotel, Prague. I was sceptical at first. I mean, are you kidding me? Were National Service and BTN not enough?But then, the prospect of seeing other people and going together on the same bus excites me. Yes, u are reading the right thing.

Staying in a hotel doesn't excite me but going together on the same bus does. I was so used to go on trip together with a troop of friends back in high school that I really wanted to do the same at least once with university friends. Anyway, the program was mainly about eating buffet and sleeping and staring around. And I got to know some people from other localities and also I got to know that I don't even know some people who are in the same batch from other localities exist all this while. Second day was so good that I left with heavy heart and I was unsatistfied that the bus ride back was so quick it took us only one hour to reach the faculty building. I mean, I didn't get the usual 2 hours sleep.

So, I guess it's time to get real and I hope life will get exciting this year.

Thoughts From Last Year in The Hospital

2011-11-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

Being a medical student and having the opportunities to meet patients suffering from various illness, it toughens me up.

I used to sympathize them a lot, like I do to those old folks that I bump into on everyday basis.

Strangely, sympathizing has turn into admiring.

Of how tough these patients are.

We all know how does it feel to be ill.

I got a casted hand for a month and felt so much burdened by it.

Couldn't imagine how things are for those having nitroglycerin stand by for any chest pain or nebulizer in case the asthma decided to attack.

Gambar sekadar hiasan.

After a session with a crippled uncle, I couldn't help but thinking of how tough it is to lost a leg and to start anew with a prosthetic leg.

Yes, we human are blessed with the ability to adapt but adaptation with regards to lost of body part(s) is rather costly.

I don't know how did he come to term with having half hig leg amputated nor how he is coping now, seeing that there's possibility that he'll loose another half on another side.

But there he was, on that bed, not smiling yet not frowning.

And the previous woman who has half her body swollen and another half so skinny.

She managed to live like that eversince she was 2months old and she's a whooping 37 years old now.

When finding balance for toddler is quite tricky it must have been hard on her.

Come to think of it, any pair should come in two sizes ~ I mean stuffs like shoes, mittens, and even the long pants.

And how does she goes out into the crowd.

Emo

2011-11-17T05:43:00.000-08:00

Hari ini nak buat entri emo.

Kalau anda teka sebab datang bulan, teet, tekaan salah. Wrong guess.

Hari ini gelap dan suram.

Hari ini juga tanda-tanda blank muncul. Iya, blank itu ialah emptiness yang tidak berdimensi.

Alangkah indah kalau setiap hari ada kelas dan masa petang dan malam yang penuh terisi dengan riadah dan ulangkaji wajib.

Sesungguhnya saya adalah seorang yang malas mengulangkaji sorang-sorang kalau tiada ujian mahupun peperiksaan.

Ini semua salah sistem sekolah berasrama penuh yang mewajibkan waktu prep 2 kali sehari.

Sekarang saya rindu nak mengulangkaji di dalam kelas yang dipenuhi Ili, Ain, Shafiqah, Afiqah, Syikin, Farah, Prem, Mat Jat, Nia, Midi, Ridzuan, Ronnie dan rakan-rakan lain. Tak kisahlah kalau mereka yang lain tak mengulangkaji malahan riuh mendendangkan lagu teletubbies atau lagu Marsha Milan Londoh atau giat mengusik sesama sendiri. Tak kisah, asalkan mereka ada di sisi saya, baru semangat sikit nak mengulangkaji.

Selalu saya tertanya-tanya apa khabar mereka. Kebanyakannya sibuk kecuali Prem sebab dia tengah menanam anggur kat rumah selepas habis peperiksaan terakhir tahun akhir dalam bidang yang sangat saya suka.

Saya juga emosi sebab di hari cuti yang gelap lagi suram ni bukan macam hari yang gelap lagi suram di Malaysia.

Kalau di sekolah, seisi dorm berkumpul untuk makan atau minum apa sahaja.

Makanan tidak semewah mana, tapi teman makan yang penting. Motto kami ialah selagi roti itu tidak berkulat, selagi tu boleh makan dan selagi air tu tak berkeladak selagi tu boleh minum. Tu motto zaman hingusan la.

Kalau zaman PLKN, seronoknya mashaallah, dengan rakan-rakan yang berbagai latar belakang, kami sentiasa berjaya melicinkan juadah yang ada. Tidak perlu pinggan cantik atau cawan yang katuh boleh pecah. Cukup dengan tray dan cawan plastik yang kalau tergolek turun bukit, kita masih boleh jumpa dan kutip bila sampai di kaki bukit, sebab akan ada lagi beratus orang yang makan sekali dengan kita.

Zaman MSU, walaupun pilihan makanan terhad dan mahal, rasa seronok bila boleh bersembang bercerita tantang hari yang baru berlalu, ataupun membuka cerita zaman persekolahan sambil makan.

Moga-moga masa akan datang sangat macam masa yang lalu.

Saya juga emosi sebab saya sensitif. Biarkan saya menaip di sini, untuk diri saya sendiri, dan mungkin untuk awak tahu, sekeras-keras saya yang awak nampak, saya masih punya emosi yang lain. Cuma cara kita menzahirkan berbeza.

Ada orang bila mahukan sesuatu dari kita, sangat bermanis mulut dengan senyum terhias.

Mungkin ramai tertanya-tanya. Hari ini saya akan jawab persoalan-persoalan.

Orang ingat saya main-main tentang sesuatu perkara tapi saya tahu, sekiranya saya tidak mampu memberikan komitmen, saya seupaya boleh mengelakkan sesuatu itu.

Hari ini saya buat macam-macam untuk kamu, tahun depan, khabar kamu pun saya dah tak ambil tahu. Saya tidak mahu jadi begitu, sekurang-kurangnya tidak secepat itu saya menjauh dari kamu.

Saya bukanlah orang yang mengikut arus sangat. Kalau kamu suka main patung kertas, hari ni saya lebih selesa baling guli, tapi mungkin tahun depan saya akan main dan sangat suka patung kertas. Ini ujian buat saya dan mungkin juga buat kamu.

Kamu tahu kalau saya tidak berminat dengan patung kertas, kamu bagi percuma berpuluh pun saya tidak akan suka. Sekarang. Tapi mungkin lagi 3 bulan saya teringin nak main patung kertas, jadi saya harap kamu jangan la nanti main patung kertas sembunyi dari saya.

Saya harap saya tidak akan lupa, yang Allah itu yang merubah hati manusia mengikut kehendak Dia~ sepantas kilat, selambat siput babi.

Ada satu benda yang buat emosi saya bagus. Saya tahu saya ini budak yang meredah lumpur, mengangkat batang pisang di tanah lembap untuk memenuhkan cacing dalam tin kacang panggang dan masuk hutan korek ubi kayu. Tapi tak salahkan kalau saya memandang kepada budak yang pakaiannya bersih, yang tahu main chess, dam, scrabble dan yang seangkatan dengannya. Sebab selasak-lasak saya, saya juga punya masa bila mana saya ingin mandi dan duduk baik-baik dalam rumah dengan budak yang berpakaian bersih tu.

Saya memang berbeza, tapi saya harap saya masih dapat duduk dengan orang yang berbeza dengan saya.

Oh, Allah dah hantar jemputan. Ok, saya nak pergi makan sup cndawan ramai-ramai di rumah atas.

Schizophrenic

2011-11-10T13:07:00.000-08:00

I took the anamnesis and did the physical examination.

Patient is having chemotherapy with i.v.port inside the chest.

The reason why patient is admitted is to monitor his compliance to the chemotherapy regiment (in Layman's term, to monitor whether he abide to all the instructions on taking the drugs)

Typical for a schizophrenic patient, the last time doctor sent him home with drugs, he took the whole perscription in one go.

Pulling Out Your Organ

2011-11-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

Neurosurgery had been so so but when we swapped to a general surgeon, it has been fun with the surgery.

The only downside of general surgery is the filter. It was cramped and dark and I was concerned about my coat and clothes of the day get in smelling like a softlan and get out smelling like the armpit of someone who hasn't bath for a week. And the scrub is rather revealing : knickers, chest and armpit. Not sexy!

Anyway we were supposed to be in Dr Asqar operation room but the TV crews have been responsible for us to be in the next few situations.

First, we were waiting to get in the operation theathre after the patient has been prepared for surgery. But then the ECG came out not normal, which means the operation has to be cancelled and since it will take some time for another patient to be wheeled in and prepared for cholecystectomy (removal of gallbladder), we went into another OR to watch a vascular surgery.

I like it.

First and foremost, I get to see the operation.

Bad luck if you got surgeon with big stature coz u'll always end up seeing his back 90% of the time if you are lucky or seeing nothing except the instruments if you are unlucky.

Anyway, this operation is about dealing with the varicose veins.

The valve in the great saphenous vein has been insufficient.

The plan is to get rid of the varicose and the great saphenous vein.

Varicose vein, if untreated can cause compression to small arteries supplying the leg and will bring about varicose ulcer, pigmentation and ugly/uglier leg.

Basically, u can clearly see the varicose vein the patient is standing but when patient is lying on the back, u can't see it (it's all about the gravity that cause the blood to fill in the vein and making it looking like coils of snakes on your leg).

So, to make sure u can keep track of the varicose vein when the patient is on the table, u shall draw some lines corresponding to the vein position when the patient is standing prior to surgery.

To remove the varicose veins, surgeon will make an incision, put the designated instrument into the now accessible varicose vein, and screw it out.

As for the great saphenous vein, it's a superficial vein of the leg.And as known, the leg i supplied by deep venous system and superficial venous system.

This makes removing the great saphenous vein is possible without costing you your leg.

That's why for bypass surgery, we use this vein. And when we have a patient suffering from varicose vein due to insufficiency of valve of great saphenous vein, we can totally remove this great saphenous vein.

Surgeon will make an incision on inguinal region (it's the groin), clamp the vein, cut them, and tie both ends. Anothe incision is made in the calf slightly below the knee. They gonna pull the vein down through this incision in the calf. After both incisions are done, the surgeon put a wire into the great saphenous vein. The wire looks like this. The lumpy end is situated at the inguinal end and the small one is on the other end, and then zap, they pull it out.

When you pull out this great vein, it will take time for your leg circulation to adjust itself. I mean most of the blood has been travelling out of the leg through this great saphenous vein and now, it's gone. It's either you just suture back the incision you made, which mean you don't even bother to tell the blood that this way is closed already. And since blood doesn't think for itself, it'll just accumulate in the tissue causing hematoma. So as someone who can think for ourselves and for other beings, we must bandaged the whole leg to prevent blood pooling.

Done with the vascular surgery, we once again hung over the corridor, watching another surgery behind the see through door. And we saw the freaking gallbladder and were all excited over it (medical students are hyperexcited to see your organ and we really look forward to anything to do with poking the insides of living human bodies ). The gallbladder looks just like a ballon filled with 30ml of water and the colour composition is just like the inside of your cheek.

I have so many things to write down and let's hope that I remember every detail of the procedure that I had the opportunity to look. And unfortunately I decided to ditch my camera and rely solely on my brain to remember the crucial moments I have seen in the hospital.

The Doctor Hurts You

2011-10-14T05:13:00.001-07:00

but it's all for your own good.

Did I tell you that for the few first surgery practical, I'm under a neurosurgeon?If I didn't now I do.

Anyway, we went around the operating rooms in our scrub and then went for central catherization procedure.

A young man had a motorcycle accident which destroy his brachial plexus and a certain part of spinal cord, so he has paraplegia (paralysis of downhalf of the body) and loss of function of the whole right arm.

Central catherisation is done so that they can put some nutrition and drugs for his treatment.

Basically we prick a ~7cm long needle in between your clavicle and neck muscle, very carefully avoiding from puncturing the lung, straight into your subclavian vein, basically a major blood vessel.

Then we take our the syringe, but not the hollow needle before we guide a flexible wire into the vein.

Then we take out the needle, leaving the wire half dunk inside your vein and half length is on midair.

We then punch a larger hole on the same site so that we can insert the cathether into the vein. So now you get the wire inside the cathether inside the vein. You with me?

So then we take out the wire and left the cathether fastened over there.

In conclusion, it's a painful procedure, of which can bring about protruding eyeball (sign of pain) from an otherwise macho man (as an example of preserverance)

But this particular man, with his left hand, took out the cathether.

I don't know why he did that, but bottom line is he pulled that thing out.

But hurting patient isn't the verb for doctor's action. It's always healing, not hurting. Procedures hurt you. Doctor doing the proedures doesn't.

You take whatever plactic/wire the doctor put inside you. Conscious or not. The doctor will put that back in. For you.

How irony.

And that patient's hand is fastened and when the doctor put a new cathether in, he made sure it will stay put.

On how he did that?

He sew the cathether to the skin.

And then before he let us students go, he said,

next week, only underwear under your scrub

O_o

Simpul

2011-10-01T01:32:00.000-07:00

Urusan yang penting (the main concern) ialah bagaimana kita melalui perjalanan itu, bukan siapa yang mula dahulu.

Gambar ihsan Zue.

Pamukkale

2011-09-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

Which means cotton castle in English is a rather small town doable by feet.

It's just a short drive from Karahayit, a place famous with the cotton textile, although I didn't see any sign of it when I was there.

Anyway, we arrived at about half past eight in the morning at Hotel Pamukkale.

The downside about overnight bus ride is that you usually arrived tired and all, so we spent a good time basking in the air conditioned room before we comb the small town.

Hotel Pamukkale and we got lucky too, with the room, which is directly in front of the pool.

We opted for tour, which really, is unnecessary.

The travertines and Roman ruins only require dollops of sunblock, your background reading of the place and almos a day.

But we got lucky with our fellow travellers that were in the tour.

Since others were still not ready, we went to the red spring with an American family, which turned out injected the gregarious air the whole length of the tour.

Red springs is just so-so.

People goes there to dip in the mineral rich water, slather their body with the mud or just for plain sightseeing.

It's a small place with small springs so I was being pessimistic.

From my scan of the water, there seemed to be countless tiny nematode like thingy in the water.

It can be plain flora, but it can also be fauna.

Susan said maybe it's a good idea to stay out of it, and took out her feet from the water.hehehee.

Now that all were ready, we found ourselves at the entrance to Hierapolis, the ruins of the Roman city.

Now let me brief you about we.

Emre is our tour guide.

Susan, an ex bilogy teacher

Susan's mommy, which I think is in her 70's

Susan's husband, who's suffering from early phase of Parkinson's.

Then a couple from Denizli who has never been to Pamukkale before!

A couple from Denmark, the husband is a journalist.

Toddler Leyla, her mom and her grandma, Turkish in origin but are staying in OZ.

Leyla didn't cry even a bit and everybody was impressed that she can stay, crankyless in her stroller under the real scorching sun.

Note, if you are visiting Hierapolis and the travertines in summer, you better pack your sunblock and bottles of water.

Hierapolis was so beautiful and I think it's good that we went with the tour since we hav no interest to do some background reading.

Susan, who has been to Ephesus before coming to Pamukkale did the most of the questioning. And I'm going to say it again, that we were really lucky to be in this tour.

Susan's mom had a completely different view ~ "She (Susan) will never stop talking"

And since Hierapolis is rather big, and the pace is quite slow, she filled me in with the story of her family and her wrinkle free years.

It's rather good to know about others adventure and view of the world. By others, I mean, people whom you meet on the road, which you stumble across them only once.

S0 let's see what we have in Hierapolis

Emre and the drawing+map depicting Hierapolis in its prime

Necropolis ~ city of the dead. In front of the tomb made or upper rank family

Tomb for gladiators. The vase is like a medal, given to the winner, which is used to store olive oil, which was a prized commodity in their time. The gladiator's trident. and their shield embossed with flower.

- to be continued-

Tudung

2011-09-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

Kelmarin ke pasar Pulau Tikus. Tujuan membeli bunga kekwa dan mata kucing.

Nampak tudung. Material dia net. Besar. Muat nak tutup makanan.

Tudung saji dibeli dengan harga RM6 tanpa tawar menawar.

Abah kata wajib tawar menawar baru boleh selamatkan RM2. Abah kata lepas beg plastik berisi tudung saji tu dah ada kat tangan.

Takpalah, it's never too late to learn.

Sebenarnya bukan nak cakap pasal tudung saji.

Tapi nak cakap pasal tudung yang orang perempuan pakai kat kepala.

Zaman sekolah kurang berkemampuan.

Pakai tudung yang sama untuk kelas dan riadah.

Juga kurang pengetahuan.

Pakai tudung bawal yang see through.

Zaman pre-uni, pakai tudung mak cik bagi.

Besar, dan kain yang sopan~tak nampak batang leher lagi dah.

Zaman universiti pun masih pakai tudung yang sama. Selesa.

Kadang-kadang pakai pashmina.

Tengok orang pakai selendang, oh rasa nak pakai.

Tapi sebab sedar diri dan sudah ukur tudung di badan sendiri, shawl yang selalu diulang pakai hanyalah 2 shawl percuma dan 2 shawl bukan percuma.

Tahun ni pulang lagi bercuti di Malaysia.

Sebab Pulau Pinang boleh dikatakan ada segalanya, harapan di hati agar dapat cari tudung krim yang besar macam tudung bawal biasa tapi tak la senipis kulit bwang macam tudung bawal biasa.

Tiada. Zilch. Nada. None.

Semua jenis tudung ada.

Bawal tambak, bawal hitam, bawal putih. Siap ada bunga dengan manik terlekat sana sini.

Ada jugak manik bersinar bak cahaya dari baju Ramlah Ram masa anugerah juara lagu 1988.

Selain tu ada pelbagai tudung yang menepati semua kriteria kecuali kriteria tudung krim kosong tidak bercorak.

Paling banyak tudung yang pakai kena ikat sanggul tinggi-tinggi, tak pun tudung yang orang pinkan di belakang tengkuk untuk dapatkan efek kawan-kawan Maria dalam The Sound of Music.

Dalam semua tudung-tudung yang ada, awat la tudung yang paling simple tak dak.

Macam mana nak zuhud ni?

The Boat Ride

2011-09-14T02:15:00.000-07:00

I've rode in sampan on a number of occassions when we decided to spend the day at Monkey beach.

I've written down in my character building booklet that going out to the sea with my late Tok Ndak is one of my life ambitions (unfortunately, I'll never fulfill this ambition)

When mak and abah announced that we are heading to Pulau Tuba to visit PC Amir who's recuperating from quite a bad traffic accident, I anticipated the boat ride.

The next time I know it, I was squeezed in the boat with the whole family among the locals and, a motorcycle.

Yes, a motorcycle.

If the Czech can ride this with a perambulator, Malaysian can ride a sampan-like boat with a motorcycle.

Why not? =p

I've always love nature, which explains why I rarely choose city as a travel destination.

So, there I was, quite happy to sweat in the boat among the locals, especially his time the travel companions are my family themselves.

I was taking in the green water, craning my neck the whole time to look at the scenery and *don't tell my mak* enjoying the splashes.

I was filled with emotion.

I guess for someone like me, no matter how far I go, it's always rejuvenating to be reunited with the element that I really love, the sea, the coastal sea.

I was pondering over that thought when the engine died. In the middle of the sea, near the rocks which have their heads covered in trees I have no idea what their names are.

We ran out of fuel.

And if we really do, we might as well throw the fishing line into the water while we wait for another boat to pass by.

I gained a knowledge, that fishes are aplenty near rocks.

Sorry, my long awaited jackfruit has finally arrived. I have to go.

And the engine, it roared again after they filled it with fuel *of course they will always have some as spare on the boat*

Of Ramadhan.

2011-08-29T05:19:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya, Eid Mubarak to all muslims.

Syawal already dawned on us and Ramadhan has just left, which makes it the farthest thing from us. (orang kata benda paling jauh dengan kita ialah masa lalu)

I haven't really planned my Ramadhan.

I just knew that I may learn more about the holy book al-Quran but it still remain to be done.

However, I've found something, that I deemed valauable doing this Ramadhan.

You see, I don't live at my parents' ever since I went to high school (it has been a galloping 10 years)

Strange enough, I don't feel the need or longing to help around the house, not until last year.

Maybe it's because at my parents', housechores of 1 month is concentrated into 1 week, all the time.

But this Ramadhan I realized it, to be able to help oneself parents with the housekeeping is a way to collect your points that we fondly call pahala.

I'm not lucky enough to help all year round, so why not grab it when I'm home especially it's Ramadhan. (well, it's more to an excuse that I invented for my parens when they ask me to help around)

Well, here are excerpts from suratul Luqman

13. And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.

Of Expectation

2011-08-26T03:09:00.001-07:00

I hate to live under expectation.

I have enough on my plate with the deen.

I don't need anymore expectation from people.

Expectation hurts me, especially when I don't welcome it.

Stop making life miserable from me.

Travelogue Turkey 2011 : Overnight Buses

2011-08-20T05:32:00.000-07:00

We are students and student's budget ain't generous, so instead of hopping on planes to get to places in Turkey, we opted for buses. Particularly overnight buses.

Cut down on transport expenses.

Saved us from paying a night in the hotel too.

But rob us of a comfy morning ~ you wake up to no morning shower which is horrible because it's summer, not even a changing room but thanks to public toilet, at least you get to brush your teeth.

Still Turkish long distance buses rock and you'll find why in the next sentences.

We went on 3 buses.

Istanbul-Kayseri (Cappadocia)

Goreme (Cappadocia) - Denizli (Pamukkale)

Denizli (Pamukkale) - Istanbul

Each took averagely 10 hours.

My advice is, whatever you saw on the internet, book the ticket in advance.

I believed that ticket is always available, so we went with our bags quite sure to get 2 tickets to Cappadocia and to jump straight on the bus.

Surprise!

Metro bus sold out and the bus companies offices stretch from one end to the other end, spanning roughly a quarter kilometre (or that's how I felt it)

And to make matters even worst, only a number of companies have buses to Cappadocia.

With the help of some locals and what I thought an unreliable 'ulat tiket' (turned out he was not bad like his counterpart in Malaysia), we managed to get 2 tickets to Kayseri.

It was obvious that the company rarely host foreigner on their bus when we were the only non Turkish on the bus and people kept stealing glances.

So, moral of the story, book your ticket beforehand (no, not because people glance at you but because you might have to spend somemore on an unexpected at the hotel and even worse, on crushed hope )

A peep of Istanbul Otogar (European side)

Like our fellow newfound brother told me, Turkish long distance bus is the best.

"He is wearing a bowtie" he pointed out to our 'steward'. He was very excited at that.

On all three buses, there are in bus entertainment (even some flights lack IFE) and some refreshment served by the steward.

On Pamukkale bus en route to Istanbul, we even got cup ice cream in addition to the packed cakes and drink of your choice (tea, coffee, su aka mineral water, cola).

Drinks are served as frequently as every 2 hours, which may be inconvenient to light sleeper.

Me? Iam not a light sleeper and I quite miss my dose of Podebradka, so no complaint there as long as I can get some coke every now and then.

The downside is the crews speak limited english or no english at all.

But no worries, it's unlikely that you will miss your destination.

First, the driver ain't a reckless one.

They stopped at some RnR about thrice.

And traveller's destination is always at some big otogar (bus station) and they usually tell you when u r there.

So, here's my take on each bus that I went on.

Istanbul - Kayseri with Zaman Bus Company.

We were the only foreigner in this bus.

The toddler in front of us refuse to sit which is understandable since she maybe has only recently discovered the wonder of being able to walk on her two feet.

Her mother had to follow her up and down the bus aisle.

Like the other next 2 buses, this one comes with safey belt, except finding it is a tricky business and once I yanked it out, I'm sure that I'm the first one to use it since it's full of cobweb or whatever the name it is.

Goreme - Denizli. Suha bus company.

The worst of all three despite the recommendation from the internet.

We booked our ticket thru our hotel and we got to sit at the back of the bus, sandwiched between Turkish men.

Unkown man-my travelling companion-me-Turkish soldier off duty-his brother.

I dare not sleep.

At the back means directly above the engine and the crew didn't understand me despite my countless attempts to get him to lower down the temperature.

We got back a this crew by laughing at his video looking like Voldemort flying back and forth, serving passengers from Qibah's IBE

I sat at the center ~ no IBE but with the whole length of the aisle for me to stretch out my long legs.

Despite the seating arrangement and the temperature, I was better off than the man next to me.

The person in front of him fully reclined his seat the entire journey that I, a proud Penangite (full explanation), for a moment consider to brief the Turkish man about consumer's right.

But since Turkish-man-next-to-me is an army, I thought he can endure it well.

And the man in front of him, his youngest son is so adorable that I had to surpress the urge to take his picture.

Oh yes, after the light was out, I heard some sound followed by nice smell.

It was not a paranormal phenomenon. As it turned out, each time after the cups are taken away and the light is off, the Voldemort-like crew would spray the whole length of aisle with liquid freshener ~ maybe this is what that put the company as top 3 in traveller's forum.

In summer, you are likely to wake up on a bus to this scenery

Denizli - Istanbul. Pamukkale Bus Company.

The best of all 3.

First because we got ice cream and then the seat is really comfy and not forgetting IBE comes with touch screen (albeit rather unresponsive or response wrongly to the touch).

They also serve with the help of a collapsible trolley and they sanitize it everytime they use it and want to stow it away.

Long distance bus travel may be a lil bit tiring for some people but it's a good way to bond with Turkish and fellow travellers alike.

The bus is extremely reliable (I'm saying this as someone who have been on long distance buses in Malaysia and Central Europe).

The average price for an average of 10 hours journey is 55 Turkish Lira per person as of summer 2011.

Going on Turkish's long distance buses?

Book beforehand and enjoy your journey. =)

Travelogue Turkey 2011 : This and That

2011-08-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

One of the many things about summer travel that I like is the possibilities of meeting loads of other travellers, mostly those who live off their backpacks ~ read: recycled clothes, unshaved, and battered looking.

Given that u are travelling off the beaten path, you are most likely to share part of your trip with fellow travellers, which is, really entertaining.

Nobody asked me, or Qibah where we come from when we were in Istanbul ~ well, apart from the shopkeepers or waiters that made us want to hang a card saying "I'm from Malaysia"

Talking about the popular question "where are you from", I always answer alternately between Malaysia and Czech.

First, it is fun doing it.

Second, the conversation will somehow require me to explain once again that I hail from Malaysia and am a student, in Czech Republic.

A fellow traveller who travelled on the same nightbus to Pamukkale asked me a question never been asked to me before ~ do you study art?~ when he heard that I'm studying in Czech.

I almost topple backwards upon being asked the question.

Why?

Because I have no idea that I look like an art student(never, even in the just waken up state) and Cikgu Faezah of SOKSEK would have inquire herself if I really did perform in her art class for someone to ask such a question to me.

And there were also those retired gramps who was travelling on suitcases, which are not backpacks, obviously. I feel that they deserve a post on their own. Funny folks, they were. Made up for all those stressful, laughterless days of exam revision month I had just in a short 7 hour tour.

Being a hijabi prancing around places like Cappadocia, going up and down the hill, barked by 4 large, hairy, dark dogs (although, thankfully, were fastened), went on night buses might attract a considerable headturns but most of it, or all of it, turned out good. Believe me, most of the time, curiosity wins over hesitancy (provided that u don't wear that stay-clear-of-me expression)

And yes, for a hot, sticky and stuffy Istanbul (definitely not my fav place), I learned a bit of this and that, and had some good points to ponder too.

The Sultanahmet area is patronized by tourists coming from all crooks and nooks of planet earth, and also, streetsellers, coming from Turkey itself.

They sell sweating bottles of mineral water, some sort of sticky sweets, books, toys, fan, umbrella-cap and sweating bottles of mineral water.

You can't help but to want to avoid them and at the same time feeling pitiful for them.

I mean, these people are working in this sticky, hot, stuffy Sultanahmet under the scorching sun, going from person to person, trying to sell their goods, which mostly were met by 10 NO in a row (or perharps more than that), and headturns~the opposite way.

I expressed my concern to Leyla, the Just Ask Me that has maintained contact with us.

Her words washed off my feeling of guilty straightaway ~ that they may look pitiful and they can be really trying to earn some money but it's just not right that they are selling stuff at skyrocket price compared to the original price.

If anybody ask me whether I would return, the answer would be definitely yes.

I haven't had enough of Cappadocia and I am yet to check out Saffranbolu and Ephesus, and as for Istanbul, I would gladly skip that.

Neocolonization

2011-07-28T05:59:00.000-07:00

Is it Muslims/Asians/Africans living in Western?

Is it Western countries mobilizing their armies and throw the native government (albeit corrupt) in Middle East (and put in Libya too)?

Anyone care to explain?

P/S : I grew up in a multicultural surrounding and is still living in one. Of course there are some glitches here and there but you see that even in unicultural environment. I love my sambal belacan, dhalcha and chicken feet. Throw in some pasta and a good bowl of cream of chicken soup too.

Travelogue Turkey 2011 : Introduction

2011-07-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

All the rush from having to sit for final on a short notice, passing it and having 24 hours to pack and resume the plan for Turkey had taken away the excitement of going on my first summer vacation in Europe.

We flied with Turkish Airlines, so u get a meal on a short 3 hours flight.

Best part is you get a packet of hazelnut instead of the typical crackers or peanut and I love hazelnut.

On the downside, the ride was pretty bumpy and for the first time, I experienced first hand what do people mean by saying airline food suck.

With Leyla, a Just Ask Me off duty.

Anyway, getting to Sultanahmet was a breeze.

We got the jeton (token) and hop on the metro to Zeytinburnu from which we switched to the tram (Prague wins in term of tram) to our destination, Sultanahmet, the most touristy place I've ever been to.

Since we were only armed with a big empty luggage and 2 backpacks and no map to the hostel, we had difficult time to locate the hotel.

Anyway, it's a good thing that Turkey tourism placed youngsters wearing blue shirt shouting Just Ask Me in the area.

We got 3 of those to take us to our hotel.

We checked into a small but cosy room in Kaftan Hotel.

We combed the area for place to have dinner and we decided on Hayat Cafe, tucked in a small corner.

They served the best lentil soup among all the eateries I went to in Turkey.

However I don't recommend their stuffed pepper though.

Since Blue Masjid and Ayasofya by foot is the same duration as cooking a pack of Maggie, we spend the evening in the park located in between those 2 historic buildings.

As of any other popular tourist spot, there were some people trying to sell you some things.

Istanbul for me is too hot and stuffy in summer but minus the crowd, I wish I had spend more time in Cappadocia and as of Pamukkale 2 days seems o be more than enough.

Still, the fact that it's a Muslim country, albeit secular, gives me the sense of familiarity.

It has been quite sometime since I heard the azan.

I also like it that there are generous number of hijabis going around and mostly I like it when I went to visit the masjid.

The food?In all honesty, not so much.

Sneak Peek Turkey Summer 2011

2011-07-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Halfway Through

2011-07-11T05:28:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'm gonna register for my 4th year study.

I'm trying to grasp the reality of it.

Yes, I did my last exam today after someone dropped his/her date.

It was a dilemma, I was on my way back after a day out in the Adrspach rock town when a friend called and said that there's free term on 11/07.

Marvelling at the mayor and his wife. Photo courtesy of Nik

My reflex is to confirm the date, but after a train ride, I wavered. I have only a day to resume revision.

But I went.

I picked my questions, not so happy with them and I keep what I had from usrah last week close to my heart.

Today, my tawakkal is not on the questions, neither it's on the examiner.

It's on Him.

I prepared my answers, went in, interrogated, made some glitches (I forgot some simple terms like firm ~ replaced it with not stable. and I said there's problem with bile plumbing in my alcoholic liver disease since the appropriate word went hiding somewhere in the hippocampus) but alhamdulillah, I managed to pull it all together.

Lucky for me, I am not that stressed out this exam period like last year.

Focusing in lectures and revising after class really helps a lot.

But this semester has been a memorable one.

It gave me a peek into a doctor's reality ~ that a problem can appear anytime and you must act on the spot. Of course what you know is never enough, but when U put your trust in Allah and keeps your hope flaming, you'll find that there really is a star at the end of the tunnel.

My gratitude to those who support me, and prayed for me.

The blessingare bountiful.

Ramadhan

2011-07-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

Oh my, Ramadhan is nearing by. How great is that!

So, have you planned your Ramadhan?

Say like setting some goals like which surah would you memorize and study, which part of this deen that you would like to know more, and girls (and boys too, why not?), if you are at the convenience of it, what dish are you gonna whip up for iftar and sahur?

I just got to know that the one who prepare food for those who would break their iftar, he/she will get credit by Allah, as much as the people who observe fasting get. (verification required)

So, go get a piece of paper and write down your goal(s) for Ramadhan.

Jodoh

2011-07-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

When I was in my first year, I was the first among the girls to finish my Histology exam, after which I crammed for Anatomy.

I had a big problem with locomotor system in anatomy.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

So when I was about 80% done with the revision, minus the locomotor, I thought I wouldn't make it to my original date and I am no lucky with second chance for exam date provided that I postpone my exam (Allah is always making sure I don't procrastinate, which is a good thing)

The agony of finishing the year in September due to such unfortunate event when you already at the finishing line, my bone still remember it.

And here I am, in my third year, facing the dilemma once again.

I feel suspended to the point of vomiting.

Reality bites and man it chews too!

Since I am powerless, I'm gonna do the thing that I am capable of doing.

The resentment, bitterment and vengeance will stay with me, more powerful than before.

This is a test and I am not gonna fail it.

Since anything that bears anatomy in their name want to stick with me for such a long time.

I may as well embrace it and give it a squeeze.

But does this also mean that I would eventually ends up being a surgeon?

Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tidak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ne!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ande!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my short 21 years and half life, I have some circumstances where I don't get what I want.

Case 1. There was supposed to be a fling in my high school year, but some 'thoughtful' peeps blocked that. Not that I care that we never happened but the fact that some people have problem with a then harmless me made me alarmed. Oh well. I picked up the hints in the later years but never made any effort, I just enjoy the attention (sorry, sometime I couldn't help being vain). Girls being girls, my closest friends know about it and they made the effort for communication and I played on the sideline (forgive us, we were just being high school girls)never expecting anything but when my closest friend broke the news that they are now boyfriend and girlfriend, I was taken aback, not because I like that person (you know that don't you, that you notice some sort of person and is interested in them but you don't really like them that you want to have anything going on with them).

It's just that IMO, a close friend who knows that her friend has interest in a boy shouldn't go for the boy ~ it's unspoken rule of being friends isn't it?even though I was not serious but still that kicked on my trust. 6 years passed by and here I am, very, very glad that the above situations occur. The boy it turns out, is not really the sort of person I want to have anything going on with, not in my current page, not even anywhere in the previous page. It's hard for me to heed advice from people that I don' respect, and in case where hearts matter, it's impossible. I may not really need respect but I really need to respect to play my part well. It takes me years to realise that some people or some things are not supposed to be mine, no matter how strong I feel that I am entitled to have them, because sometime later, you'll have no regret over the loss, because it's not a loss to begin with.

What shall I say other than thanks to the people involved (note : sometime being nasty to some people means doing goods to them). And sorry, I have some problem about disclosing case 2.

Now, I just have to be optimistic and yes, I shall pay the revenge really well, revenge, regarding pathoanatomy.

I AM MAD

2011-07-02T03:34:00.000-07:00

I have been pretty composed all this while, well, at least I think I did.

Not now anymore.

I am simply mad and feel wronged.

Our examination system is a headache.

Basically it's done orally.

You can book the dates that's AVAILABLE.

Usually there will be optimally 10 seats for one date.

In my batch, we have about 60 +/- international students and 100+/- Czech students.

And we have about 3 exams, each averaging 150 known questions (which means the whole 2 inch medical book ~ well, almost)

Here's how it works.

A date and time is set up for booking and we compete virtually for our preferred dates.

If you got lucky, you get your dates.

Some people even get kicked out of the system because the sudden clicking from hundreds competitors.

During the exam, you pick randomly questions from the box.

Usually you got 3 questions and then you prepare your answers before you go and talk in front of the examiner.

Some people get interrogated some people just mouthing everything he or she knows.

If you passed they sign your index book (record book), if you don't here's the famous sentence

"I think you have to study more"

"I'm afraid that I have to see you again"

or anything like that.

And then, if you feel that you are not ready yet to go for your preferred dates, you dropped your preferred date just before the dateline (usually it's 36 hours shy of your preferred date) and by doing that you are giving chance to anyboby who would like to go for your date.

But there are cases where people drop their dates by email in 24 hours and I'm afraid that the date just get burn like that.

Anyway, I succesfully got 2 subjects signed and was preparing to go for the last one on June 30.

I wa all positive that I would complete all 56 questions of tumors in 2 days, which is by others standard is impossible.

I studied 50 ECG papers in 2 days which by others standard is impossible and I thought maybe I could ace 56 tumor questions in 2 days too.

But upon realising it's impossible, I dropped my date and was prepared to battle for the limited dates in July.

I have to do it in July

1. because I have studied a week short to one month

2. because I decided at last minute that I should fly back home for a friend's wedding

So why am I mad?

Well, it is because I didn't get any date for my exam.

Ridiculous!

I was about to get mad at myself because I thought I didn't study all year long but when I was studying for those 250 questions I saw that I have been studying ~ notes that I thought I never made but I did, book that I thought I touch for just a couple of times full with underlines.

Ok I studied, so no blame over there.

But then I am mad at myself for not making it to my original date on the 30th.

And I am more mad because the lecturer cc the email to all who pleaded for July dates part of it saying

"i am sorry, probably i will not make you happy, however, i will not change the rules during the game. thank you for your understanding"

OK, so he will not change the rules during the game.

I can accept that but what I can't accept is that the game was not played fairly.

If you are saying the July dates will be open publicly on 30th at 3 pm you should do exactly as what you said, otherwise what's the use of sticking to the rules.

The situation is that at 3pm on 30th, the system didn't work.

I kept clicking F5 like an idiot for 3 minutes and not realising that the dates are already filled.

Unbeknownst to me, the register button appeared one by one at certain times.

I mean, WTH!!!

So now tell me, is this also the rule in the game?

Because to my knowledge, all the register buttons are supposed to appear at exactly 3pm as stated.

You know what, whereter the game is fair or not, I am still mad at myself mostly, for not focusing like I do back in high school.

By focusing I mean, 250 questions is doable in 2 weeks and by studying at a snail's pace, I had 56 tumors questions to cover in 5 days.

So it's still my fault at the end.

I couldn't ask for a classroom full with people, noisy or not, so that I can only study intently without noticing any calling for me ~ I already snapped out of it, that now I am not a boarder anymore.

I just hope someone would drop their July date so that I can get this done and over with and return for 2 months holiday in Penang.

Please Allah, please.

Final Half of Third Year

2011-06-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

Approaching 3 years having long term residence sticker on my passport page.

It truly has been quite a journey.

A massive period of transition in my life and I'm preparing to enrich the stay even more, ameen.

I haven't been truly enjoying the 4 seasons we have here, so what about having countless of stroll in crisp autumn and then, I am yet to engage in a full blast snow war and am yet to erect a massive snowman and land on the fresh snow and whip up snow angel.

Yes, I had 3 winters already but haven't really done the cliche stuffs.

Because the only time I am really studying, it was always the best weather outside.

And by the time I am done with books and stationeries, the snow has been stained with dog pee or it has really turn into the unsightly scene.

Actually, if you really want the real best deal, to the country you shall go.

It's always the best in all 4 seasons.

Anyway, despite having a non stop study marathon with breaks on the bed in between, I have managed to go to supermarket and farmer's market.

Spring has been really nice weather wise but I couldn't help but to notice that I am waiting for the cherries to come out for quite some time.

The fruits unfortunately has not infested the supermarkets or stalls this spring, at least that's what I observe.

Wonder what's happening.

And then, here comes the summer, wet, just like what I have been wishing all this while.

It's a pain to be poached in a room with books a month long (or more!) when people are out under the summer sun.

I am so happpieeee!!!!

Let it rain, let it rain!

And on another note, school captain class of 2006 is getting married.

For the information, that makes 2 out of 123 of us got hitched already and both are boys.

Frankly, it is quite a pressure.

Getting married in near future is not written in my organizer.

But what a girl gotta do when the boys who aced 5 years of high school with her (literally typing) were 1st in line and when her own mother got married at the same age she is at now?

Take a deep breath, I gotta absorb this pressure really well.

Everything is alright because people has different plans and move at different wavelengths.

Moreover, wasn't it me who always have the cravings for nasi kenduri since I set foot on Bohemian land, so it's time to accept the invitation.

I'm off to finish things first before we face the pressure(s)

Mine and Yours

2011-06-21T16:46:00.000-07:00

To posses something particularly money and valuable material is a pleasure.

Who doesn't love it?

As a kid, I don't care much about money.

If my dad give me RM1, I'll spend all RM1.

My coconut bank was the lightest, and it seems that the trait has been passed down to the youngest brother. =p

Anyway, I became a bit more greedy in high school.

Every penny is priceless and I even did odd jobs like cleaning others locker and selling out kuih cakar ayam for extra income.

When I earn my own money (read : working holiday, scholarship), I threw caution to the wind and buy what I need and want.

I have lost a few coins or notes here and there, be it the vending machine, the mobile prepaid or anything in between.

I don't remember cursing under my breath, but I'm sure I did a couple of times when I lost something.

Or maybe some tinge of dissappointment when my things got damaged etc.

I've been pretty cool in giving in to certain sort of something.

But then, my zakat is paid my father ~ the perk of being a woman in Islam.

I just lack in this department ~ of giving some monetary contribution to anything, or anyone.

It's is an understatement alright but I just don't do it that often you see.

When I have all the will to seek for that extra something for me to call mine, I don't even have the intention to seek for debiting.

Imagine this

When you lost a bag of worthy laptop ~ OMG!!! Damn it all my things are in there, my iPod, my android my this my that!

When you are pickpocketed and lost all the cash and cards ~ 900 was in there and now it's gone poof!

When someone ask for your help, be it monetary or material or simply a service from your end ~ she deserved it/I'm sorry I couldn't (because I don't want to)

Or even when you see someone who is in need

You know what?

Maybe me and you should give in to those.

Don't be too dissolved in losing cashes and valuables.

Never hesitate to lend or give away something.

For each and everytime the above situations or something similar to the above situation occur, it's the time Allah is rewarding you a way for you to purify your asset.

We are too immersed in accumulating valueables, we are too sad and worried when we were cheated off our money but we often forget to share some of our blessing to others.

When you part with your valuable, something that need to be cleared from your possession has been cleared and that is one of a way He help you to purify your possession.

hampir semua orang mahukan syurga, ramai yang mengejarnya tapi sedikit sahaja yang ada kesedaran untuk memutuskan diri dari rantai dunia, yang salah satunya adalah harta.

Yang pasti, harta itu pun bukan kita yang punya.

It's like you are doing flying fox. You keep only the essentials and left the backpack so that you can fly it smoothly.

p/s : ayat kesukaan saya dari drama Syurgamu Ramadhan

Kadang-kadang kita terlupa apa sahaja yang diagungkan hanya sesuatu yang dipinjamkan Allah semata-mata. Disangka itu hak milik mutlak.

Abah

2011-06-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

Ini cerita tentang abah saya.

Gambar pertama yang ada saya dan abah saya (walaupun bahagian abah saya yang ada dalam gambar tu hanyalah tangan dia) ialah gambaq semasa saya masih bayi.

Gambar tu, satu tangan abah saya sokong celah kaki saya satu tangan lagi nampak macam tengah mencengkam dada saya.

Tapi muka saya tak macam orang sesak nafas pun, dengan mata ceme, bibir sedikit terbuka, riak wajah yang mulus dan tulus berbaju merah jambu pudar.

Mata ceme tu apa?

Mata ceme (bacaan e macam cerek) ialah mata sepet yang kuyu.

Semasa darjah satu, cikgu Bahasa Melayu saya menyuruh semua orang membawa satu pantun ke sekolah.

Saya sangat gembira sebab pantun saya lain dari yang lain.

Orang lain punya pantun banyak ada ayat ular dalam mangkuk?

Nak tahu apa pantun saya?

Saya ada dua pantun, tapi saya ingat satu sahaja dari dua pantun itu, pantun yang abah saya beri

Limau purut tiga serangkai,

Buta perut tiada akai.

Bunyi macam pelik, tapi tak apalah, asalkan tiada ular dalam mangkuk mahupun periuk.

Sebagai balasannya, semasa ibu bapa saya dipanggil ke sekolah kerana masalah disiplin saya, abah saya perlu pergi.

Terima kasih abah sebab pergi.

Ok, setelah dicepatkan cerita, makanya saya sudah pun bersekolah menengah.

Pada suatu cuti sekolah, abah saya seperti biasa bawa saya meronda pulau kecuali di bahagian timur.

Kami ke Penang Road dan maaf, saya tak ingat kami makan cendol atau hanya minum air lengkong/cincau.

Yang pastinya, saya tidak membuka topi keledar dan saya turun dari motosikal abah saya.

Kemudian setelah selesai mendinginkan tekak, kami bersedia untuk bergerak.

Tetapi...

sedang saya menghayunkan kaki untuk duduk di atas motosikal, abah saya telah pun membawa motosikal.

Maknanya apa?

Maknanya abah saya tidak perasan yang saya belum naik dan membawa motosikal itu dengan lajunya mara ke destinasi seterusnya.

Saya terpinga-pinga sebentar.

Tak sempat dah nak memikirkan alamak, ada orang perasan ka insiden ni (Penang road terkenal banyak orang. ianya kawasan pelancong)

Dan pada masa itu, kami berdua, saya dan abah saya masih belum menggunakan telefon bimbit.

Dan saya memang hanya ada diri saya, pakaian yang dipakai dan helmet saja.

Takkan nak minta sedekah cik tolong sedekah saya lima kupang nak telefon rumah.

Kalau rumah saudara terdekat ialah rumah mak chaq kat Jelutong.

Kalau jalan kaki, agak-agak pukul sebelas malam baru sampai.

Tapi tak mengapa, balai polis daerah timur laut berdiri megah di depan saya.

Alkisahnya, dalam sepuluh ke lima belas minit kemudian abah saya kembali mendapatkan saya.

Lamakan?

Ada 2 inferens yang boleh dibuat.

Dia mengambil masa sebegitu lama untuk kembali mendapatkan saya kerana dia lambat menyedari saya tiada membonceng di belakangnya.

Inferens kedua, dia mengambil masa sebegitu lama untuk kembali mendapatkan saya kerana dia telah membawa motosikal dengan lajunya sampai ke mana-mana hala dan kemudian mencari saya di sepanjang perjalanan.

Apa-apa pun, teghima kasih abah sebab mai patah balik kutip cek yang abah terciciaq tepi gerai lengkong/cendoi.

Kemudian, sewaktu saya ke temuduga biasiswa Bank Negara Malaysia, abah saya yang mengiringi saya.

Dengan beg membeli belah berisi pakaian yang akan diapakai di temuduga dan bekal samosa yang mak saya buat, kami menaiki bas malam ke Kuala Lumpur.

Perlu diingatkan, saya pergi pada bulan April 2007.

Ya, saya tidak pernah ke Kuala Lumpur secara bertaruh seperti itu. (Lagipun saya pernah pergi KL dua kali sahaja sebelum tu. Abah saya pernah pergi kot, masa dia belum kahwin dulu)

Kami tidak tahu jalan dan pengangkutan di Kuala Lumpur.

Malah, pintu utama Bank Negara pun kami tidak tahu di mana.

Ok, mari jujur sedikit di sini.

Kami tiba di KL Sentral sebelum subuh, temuduga bermula pukul lapan pagi dan bilik mandi hanya akan dibuka ada pukul 7 pagi. Temuduga bermula rasanya pada 8pagi takpun 830 pagi.

Semestinya mandi terkeluar dari persoalan.

Nasib baik di surau ada pili dan saya ada membawa tuala.

Maka, saya bertukar nama dari Lina ke Grace pada hari itu (baca : tidak mandi satu hari adalah biasa bagi Mat Saleh)

Maka saya dan abah saya pun menjadi pengembara pada hari itu.

Navigasi yang bagus, terima kasih kepada info-info di sepanjang perjalanan, sama ada dari papan kenyataan, panggilan awal pagi ke rakan sekolah yang kembli pulang ke KL setelah 5 tahun di SOKSEK, serta mamak India jual surat khabar tepi stesen KMB mahupun mak cik jual kuih muih tepi jalan, kami tiba di hentian Bank Negara.

Kemudian, kami mengikut kata hati dan alhamdulillah, sampai juga ke tempat yang sepatutnya dan ya, kami tiba awal.

Sempat bersarapan di cafeteria Bank Negara lagi.

Seronok saya melihat rutin pagi di Bank Negara.

Paling mantap, hampir kesemua wanita yang tiba punya 2 beg tangan. Sangat berkerjaya ya.

Ada 7 orang kesemuanya yang menghadiri temuduga hari itu, dan saya satu-satunya yang mengusung tiga beg. Memang macam backpacker.

Yang saya risau ketika itu ialah abah saya. (kerisauan yang tidak perlu pun, sebab apa?)

Temuduga akan berlangsung dari pukul 8 pagi sehingga pukul 5 petang.

Maksud saya, takkan abah saya nak duduk di lobi itu seharian kan.

Ok, rehat makan tengah hari adalah panjang memandangkan itu hari Jumaat.

Entah kenapa setengah jam sebelum rehat saya gastrik yang sangat.

Selepas saya meminum air oren dan rakan yang lain makan tengah hari, saya ke lobi untuk mencari abah saya, yang TIADA di situ.

Kawan-kawan yang lain semuanya ke muzium duit. Oh, kecewa juga tak dapat ikut, tapi sakit sangat perut.

Sampai saya naik semula dengan Kah Mun dan Danial pun abah saya tidak ada.

Selesai temuduga yang sangat saya suka (saya suka semuanya ~ konsep temuduga, kenalan-kenalan temuduga dan kakak-kakak HR), saya akhirnya dapat menghubungi abah saya.

Dia sedang minum petang di kafeteria, dengan KAWAN BARU yang dia jumpa semasa smbahyang Jumaat.

Sebab tu la saya katakan, kerisauan yang tidak perlu pun.

Kami ke Pudu, makan KFC dan mengambil bas pulang ke Pulau Pinang malam itu juga.

Di dalam bas, saya ada satu rasa, rasa terima kasih tidak terhingga, sebab abah saya menemani saya.

Itu backpacking yang tidak akan pernah dilupakan sampai bila-bila.

Saya pergi dengan perasaan takut, tidak pasti apa yang saya akan hadapi.

Jujur, situasi ini selalu terjadi, takut, rasa keseorangan, lebih-lebih lagi dua tahun pertama di sekolah menengah dulu, tapi April itu saya pergi lebih stabil, sebab saya tahu, abah saya ada bersama dengan saya.

Abah, my endless gratification for giving me the chance to have a father up until now. I know friends who grew up not knowing a father. And I'm glad that I had mine and still having it.

Jasa abah tandatangan report kad dan segala jenis borang takkan dilupakan.

The Wedding

2011-06-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

I was replaying the song "for the rest of my life" for a couple of times already before I decided that it has to stop or otherwise I couldn't concentrate on Robbins.

And then, the bell rang with knocks on the door.

They were mother and daughter living in the apartment in front of ours.

Well, indeed the mother is our landlady.

And guess what??

We got the first wedding invitation from the Czechs!

I have always wanted to mingle with the Czech but there's either not much opportunity or not much time.

And we got the so called Czech traditional wedding cakes in paper basket too.

Each of us got 1 basket.

It's yummy with powder sugar.

The wedding will take place in July the second.

And as I got back to Robbins, the bell rang once again.

Same faces popped in front of our door.

We forgot to tell you, the large cake..

I was thinking that it's restricted to us Muslim but it's not the case at all.

The largest wedding cake 2cmX2cm is supposed to be eaten under the table so that u can get married in the future.

Otherwise, enjoy celibacy!

I was LOL.

It sure is funny and just for fun, I will eat the largest one under the tabble.

Nostalgia

2011-06-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

In the best of places and the best environment.

The outside was glowing red and orange.

All the doors and windows shut.

Nobody's outside, even the roosters are flapping their wings, managing a short flight up the sukun tree.

Inside the house, the noise came from mating lizards while all the family members huddling in front of the tv, waiting for Maghrib.

And then, waving through the somehow silent air, the azan, calling for prayer.

It was 18 years ago.

2011.

It's half past 9 in the evening.

The sky has just gotten dark.

There's emptiness outside.

There are no roosters, not even a soul except that of mine.

Deprieved of human companion but overflowed with papers containing knowledge.

And the azan, thanks to youtube, it's the same sound as 18 years ago, though it doesn't fill the air of the town, filling only this small space that I called a bedroom.

Growing up, I find myself yearning more for yesteryears, the early 90's.

Life gets harder, of course.

And, now I admitted it, I've been away for too long.

10 years ain't a short time.

But maybe, in 4 to 5 years, I'll be sitting in a comfort of a home surrounding by the family that I loved when it's dusk.

And once again, I can hear the azan went through the town.

Who knows.

A Take On Psychology

2011-06-07T00:05:00.000-07:00

I've successfully endure psychology class or psychology related classes for quite a number of times.

First it was 2 months long character building class every morning in PLKN, that was the ultimate pure torture.

Then, to BTN ~ well, maybe this one has more to do with brainwashing.

And then entering medical school, it's inevitable to learn psychology FORMALLY along the way.

Imagine giving definition to hostility, depression, anxiety when it's something that's in your skin, something that everybody knows it naturally and has difficulty putting a verbal/written meaning to it.

Brings depression, I know.

Well anyway, check out if you have these

~ outburst at small things

~ tense muscle

~ anxious facial expression

~ irratible

Because you might have professional burn out syndrome! =)

But what did you pay to have those things?

~ inability to say no

~ tendency to self sacrifice

~ skyhigh expectation

~ inability to accept failure

For management of these conditions kindly use google.hehehe

Masa

2011-06-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

When I am having a monotonus lecture i.e. microbiology and trying my best to not lose my concentration, I couldn't help but notice that the clock is ticking, painfully, very slow.

A quarter an hour feels like eternity as my lecturer mouthing funny names like Francisella tularensis and Dracunculus medinensis.

But when it's the exam period when there are hundreds of questions and 2 3 inch books to revise, the time flew by at the speed of Concorde.

I have this imagination to tore down the clock tower that rang its bell every 15 minutes.

It feels like you are in a racing (speaking of which, you really are), and the clock does great in incresing the pressure.

Oh well.

Patriotic

2011-06-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

One of the reson why I am labelled weird is because I loves listening to patriotic songs and songs like katak lompat, ikan kekek and the likes.

For unknown reason, I have this fondness over my homecountry Malaysia.

I enjoy singing the national anthem, always giddy to hang the flag on August and never hate Malaysia, even though some unspeakable things have taken over the concern on fellow Malaysians these past few years.

Having been enjoying the privilege of being a Malaysian and comparing notes to other friends from various country, I am always grateful to be born a Malaysian.

I love going to National Service, somehow like the BTN and always have this urge to tell about my country to others ~ well, it couldn't be helped in my case.

I've always been labelled overly patriotic and instead of being put off by such statement, I take pride in it.

But having been living in Hradec Kralove, I notice the people from a particular country who indeed is far more patriotic than I am.

I mean, usually you'll bump into one or two people being patriotic about their country but most people just don't really care.

But Norwegians, to my eyes are really proud of their country.

They have no problem wearing their national flag and they boast their achievement as the best place to live on the earth.

It's always Norway this, Norway that.

They don't have to say it out loud, but you can see it in them, that they fiercely love their nation.

Such spirit. Hats off.

2011-05-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

Adil itu apa?

I know human will never be fair 100%. We are just incapable of that. But still, we can strive to be fair. Like the sayings that goes, Allah looks at your effort. Thus, there’s no reason for anyone for that matter, to turn a blind eye to unfairness.

In due time, I shall seek for it.

A Glimpse From The Past

2011-05-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

They lived behind my childhood home before they relocated somewhere nearer to the beach.

I now remember that she was the one from the previous post about my mom.

i can't recall much of our time together but they had a rough time and when they were still our neighbours, I recall sharing lunch with those people.

I have forgotten the most part of our time together but I can vividly recall back that one fine sunny day.

What's nicer than a calm sea under a clear blue sky?

They already relocated to that red zinc place and since the beach is just steps away, we girls went to dig for remis and we managed to collect a bucketful under the afternoon sun.

It may sound a bit off but that's our life as girls living by the beach. I can even go to the beach at 3 pm out of boredom and make a sandcastle and collecting small seashells, just to send them back to the grainy sand.

Anyway, we handed the bucket full with remis to her older sister.

She would fry it with onions, dried chilli and lemongrass, simmered with soy sauce, fondly known as tok you.

It was taking quite some time since we have to soak the seashells in sea water for a while to get rid of sand particles and a beach boy who their family know offered us a ride in the speedboat.

The ride was great with wind smashing on your face.

An authentic ride, a free one amid the rolling hills of Teluk Bahang and the man steer the boat just like what he does when they are having a water skier tied to the boat.

Making curve here and there and inevitably, salty water sprinkled on your face.

After the ride, we got off and thanked the man and run for our steaming remis.

We pick the flesh on a pangkin under the pokok ketapang, dumping the butterfly like shell into an empty container.

With the cool breeze from the sea felt on our grinning face, and that's the vivid memory that I have of us two.

The friend greeted me on facebook jst now.

I was unsure at first. She looks very different but there's a glimpse of someone that I know, someone that has been there in one chapter of my life.

I approved right away.

Reluctant?yes.

But still proceed? I couldn't help but to be optimistic about this.

People from the past has been poping out.

We may hardly be on the same page again but we had been before.

But I just feel so good about knowing that the people that has been absent all this while can always appear back in front of you, even though it's just the photos of them.

I hear them say, hi, I have been surviving all these years and just to let you know, I'm here. Does it sound like that to you?when you find a long lost friend?or when they find you?

There's one more person from the past that is yet to do that. =)

The Lady

2011-05-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

Now, now, we were back into the ICU again.

This week patient is a lady in her late 30's.

Roughly looking at her, her body proportion isn't right.

Not upper body lower body mind you but left side-right side.

Her right side of the body seems to be swollen and the left side is rather skinny, as in skinny.

Both her hands are dotted with fresh scabs averagely one centimetre in diameter and her right hand looks as if it's pumped like a balloon.

And her face, one look, it seems normal but if you observe, there's difference between left and right side.

Her eyeball is more protruding on the right side.

Usually you wouldn't see a full round iris, but you see that in her, circled with the white sclera.

We were left to find out her data.

She turns out the be very helpful kind lady.

Since Czech is one of world's 10 most difficult languages, we kept asking question that obviously have already been answered by her lengthy explanation before.

She was born with a congenital aplasia of lymph system on the right side of the body and the symptoms started to be noticable when she was 2 months old.

Which means she has been living in that condition for decades, from when she was a baby!

Normally, your blood is filtered at the level of capillary into the tissue to provide oxygen etc.

The filtered fluid is returned back to capillary with half of it is absorbed into the lymphatic system and returned to the circulation at the level of subclavian vein.

Since right half of her body lacks this drainage system, the fluid filtered accumulated in the tissue, which is why she has half her body swollen.

And the fluid also infiltrated her right thorax, she lost the use of her right lung.

Yes people, she is breathing with only her left lung.

With one lung left for ventilation she has respiratory acidosis which is well compensated by the increase in blood bicarbonate level and base excess in her blood.

And the fluid makes its way into her pericardial sac (a bag that contains our heart) slowly over the time, so the sac has time to expand itself.

Thus the heart ain't under so much strain compared to an acute tamponade (sudden filling of heart sac with fluid.)

The latter case develops so quickly that the sac doesn't have time to expand, thus the fluid that went into the sac will compress the heart, disturbing blood flow into the heart and subsequently death, which can be a sudden event too.

The lady only have high heart rate in regards to heart.

And since lymphatic system has some share in immune regulation, this congenital disease left the lady with immunodeficiency, which explains the scars on her hands and arms.

Immunodeficiency means there's no cleaner to eat up any threat surpassing the skin barrier and this causes her itching that leads to vigorous scratching and ultimately the scars.

To help with her immunodeficiency, she has to be infused with 20g of antibodies per month.

Let us jump into economic over here.

A dose of antibodies, which is 10g costs about 12000kc per month.

She has to take 20g per month. 20g = 2 doses.

2 x 12000kc = 24 000kc.

current exchange rate is 1 euro = 24 kc.

Then 24 000kc = 1000 Euro.

With 1000 Euro, I could book a return ticket Prague-Kuala Lumpur.

Add another 60 Euro, I can jump on a flight to Penang.

And I was complaining about the money I have to fork out to go home ~ something that I can choose to skip. It's not like I will die if I don't go home this year.

But this lady MUST have her 1000 Euro worth of antibodies EVERY MONTH, or high changes she'll die of infection.

Ok, stop complaining about money Lina!

I'm pretty sure the insurance or the government is chipping in some money for those treatments but still...

It has been a very warm conversation with this lady.

And with every time that I get into the hospital, I couldn't help but to notice, that all these patients, they have teach me so many things, allow me to see variable of people conditions ~ which mostly are on the downside and show me, that life goes on, and there's nothing that stop them from continuing to live.

I believe, in every of us, how bad the condition is, there's always the silver lining to every cloud.

At least, my patient conditions has benefited me in many ways that even I have never dream about before.

She Who Speaks The Language Of Love

2011-05-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

And she also spoke through the belt and hanger and smoked coconut husk, once upon a time ago.

I was born when she was 22 y.o. and 3 months.

And she bore a son 2 years after.

My earliest memory of her is that one when I have to put up with a brother in a small rattan cage, watching her washing the fishes or cooking.

I was a little monkey back then, screaming to get out.

Then, there was this one time, when she rushed into the house from the market and quickly closed the door.

A cow (I saw it) followed her on her way back from the morning market.

My childhood memories with her in the picture were more on the ugly side.

I was a tough child. A very tough one.

But I remember the time when she sent me into my first schoolbus ride and the rides after that.

She would hold the newborn Nazir, under the sun or under the downpour, she would see me off.

And then when I got into Standard 1, she told me to come back home straight from school.

But this one particular day, my neighbour cum classmate decided to stop by at another friend's house and I never got back home alone so I followed her.

And she cycled all the way from home with her infamous rotan.

I was beaten to pulp and was heaved all the way to Mak Lang house.

I thought I would die...

For various misdeeds, I was always locked out.

Or smoked.

Yes, my punishment includes smoking husk as well.

To add to the extra effect, you could always put some dried chillies as well.

Among her 3 children, I was the one who get smoked the most, since I was the most stubborn.

And there's this one evening when I was smoked until I vomited.

We had a break for a while and I was to be smoked again, but brave Ezany saved me.

With his kain batik busuk, he scoop a cebok of water, splashed it on the smoking husk and ran back home.

It was hilarious.

We lived next to police barrack.

Those people would be the witness to my sufferings.

I always skip Quran classes and tuition.

Which means it's me who invited all those belting, hangers and excrucriating strokes of rotan.

I would always shield behind abah, who never did anything honestly.

There were countless of nights where I went to sleep, questioning if she is really my mother, if I am someone who she picked from the garbage.

When the granduncles and grandaunt were alive, I would retreated to Batu Feringghi.

For the most of my childhood, I hold bitter thoughts against my mom.

But then she was the one who stayed up with me and lit the candles up, so that I could finish my homework when there's electric shortage.

She was the one who went around looking for kindergarten when 2-3 dismissed my applications.

She sent me to tuition.

And she made sure I have everything for school, she even made a pot of tapioca glu for my art project which turned out a disaster (I was excellent at making mess out of my art projects)

I was always that student who came to school with complete things - cardboard, glu, pencil, color paper etc~I have them all.

Once in standard 2, the teacher asked us to bring some sticks for math to school. My mother bought a box of orange icepopsicles and distributed it to the cousins so that I would have the sticks.

When I got no 1 in school, she coaxed abah to buy me a watch - of which he did. My first watch was an ultraman watch, purchased from Rope Walk flea market.

And then, to save me the trouble, she bought me bicycle, so that I can cycle to school.

I enjoyed cycling to school, and to jetty, and to beach and to skip tuition/Quran class, and also the bicycle is something that I should have so that I could race around the market building.

And she was the one who took the bus at 9 pm so that I could see the doctor due to my painful stomachache.

When I was halfway through my final year of elementary, she decided to start working.

As a cleaner, she saved up for my entrance into boarding school.

We paid everything in one go.

Throughout my highschool, she worked various jobs from cleaner, to canteen worker to hotel housekeeping.

I went to school not having to worry about my result suspended because the fees haven't been settled.

If I need books or the sorts, I would always have it.

New uniform every school year.

Except for commuting home-school, I had to use the bus. And for games, I had to use the same scarf for school. and she couldn't visit me every weekend.

It broke my heart everytime she came to visit me.

Thinking of how they have to take various buses, plus the waiting.

But I had given my best too, since I was no longer a stubborn tough kid, I was already a tough girl with full understanding of what's going around.

To have her beside me when I hold both PMR and SPM slips boasting a perfect one alphabet lined up, I was happy I wasn't a failure anymore.

Only thing is, I am a girl who doesn't like to be tied down.

I didn't yield to her request, wanting me to study at home.

I always want to go as far as I could reach, as much as I could see and experience and I am not ready yet to be back for good.

Still, she gave in and accompanied me up and down offices, crossing busy roads, getting lost, all under the scorching Malaysian sun.

She gave me the freedom to choose what I want, that at one time I ended up confusing myself, but she helped in every way she could.

Our relationship has been a roller coaster or a bowl of lai chee kang.

It has been wonderful, fearsome and plethora of things mixed together.

I owed most of my qualities to her.

And yes, I love you tonnes, mak.

Eventhough you always say that I never love you.

But then, how could I ever stop loving you, after all this time?

SOKSEK The Warden

2011-05-06T08:58:00.000-07:00

I know I somehow have a love-hate relationship with the warden.

I thought they could play the role better, but then when one of them asked me to get into another pant and hand her the black jeans I was wearing, I don't like that either.

A dormmate with lotsa gut broke into the warden office to seize back her confiscated stuff and ended up with my black jeans instead.

Saved me the trouble. Thanks!!!!

♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪ Theme song for the post : Trouble Is A Friend ♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪

Anyway, in the first 2 years, I always stay back when we were given permission to spend the weekend at home.

I told you I hate the journey home and back to school.

Anyway, there's this one particular evening.

I was maybe in form 1 or form 2 and I was having great time with Ili in my dorm, until the news broke that the warden is on her way up and is gonna punish us for not having prep.

I mean, are you kidding me?

Not spending the weekend at home is pathetic enough.

And do we still have to attend prep, on Friday night?

But, there was no time to rebuke about that.

Ili darted down to study room sans sandals and I fled with Kak Yana to another dorm that's empty and hide at the corner of the dorm.

Bunk beds are good in a way that they shield you from the torchlight shone by the warden, problem is you have to put up in such a small space for quite sometime.

It was ecstatic, we were both holding our breath and when the warden said "I know you are there" and some threatening words, we had tough time to not break into laughters.

And so it happened, I was in the cross country team, so we would occassionally had training outside school.

One day, after an ardous workout in Mengkuang area, me and Che'ah, a fellow runner syahid after shower.

To show how much we were drained off from the workout, we slept with legs dangling from the bed and with all the lamp lit - a sign that we FALL asleep. not GO to sleep.

However, I was slapped back into land of consciousness.

That warden slapped me and Che'ah.

Imagine the horror to be awaken from a deep serene sleep by a stroke of hand on your cheek.

Now, I want to bite that hand.

I mean, logically and scientifically and sunnatullahi, doing that is really dangerous.

I may be dead and she might be dead as well.

Anyway, since we were still in blurry mode we just got into our kurung and got down to study room and it was an hour later that I regained full consciousness and really realized the nightmare that has just passed.

Now those are what happened in lower secondary, getting into higher secondary means more rebellion and action.

Spidey is someone who got into the school one fine morning from nowhere and commanded all of us to call him abah.

What the ikan jacket mak cik DM right?

He pushed his rules upon us and being me, I didn't really bother to comply with ridiculous rules (well, any school rule was ridiculous to me back then)

Bumping into him, means just nodding, curtly.

There's no way for me to greet someone who looks at the student with such make believe authority that he created himself.

I believed that I am entitled to at least polite response by anyone who's eligible to cast their vote.

Well, if you want a comparison, I think Severus Snape is better than Spidey.

Anyway, one fine afternoon when in form3, in my baggy tracksuit(unlike others, I didn't have the privilege to have everything fit to me. second hand tracksuit is a bless already), black long tee and bright orange sneakers, I made my way down for afternoon prep and there he was right in front of the bilik gerakan pengawas, ready to punish.

Itulah seluar tangan kedua dan kasut oren yang kena soal dgn Spidey

I walked as if nothing happens.

Hey boy, it's 7 minutes to 3pm and prep start at 3pm.

And with his make believe authority, he reached for the loud-hailer and commanded everyone who's still in hostel to be at Dataran Kecemerlangan.

I was the first one to go since I was the only one there and then many others joined me, and among others, his treasured prefects.

All looking perplexed as to why we have to be there.

Well people, your beloved daddy said it's prep time, according to his sun watch, I think.

Because my watch worked real well ~ I never bother to switch it to earlier or later minutes.

Remember, don't play with time!Hahaha

Anyway, some of the prefect told him it's not even time yet.

But he won't give in just like that you see and he found fault with my attire.

*slap hand on forehead*

man, it's not like I'm wearing body hugging long sleeve and yeah my tracksuit is secondhand, but it's not jeans.

And I was not wearing my stinky uniform from the school that I had earlier that day.

Smells of gado-gado and kari ikan nyok2 (saya penghafal menu dewan makan di suatu ketika dahulu)

All in all, I felt triumph that afternoon.

Don't trouble the trouble!

I was not guilty, at least not that afternoon.

Since we rose later and later with every passing year, less we had breakfast at dining hall.

One day, I decided to be generous to myself and bought fried rice with sunny side up egg and a glass of yummeh teh ais.

It was 10 minutes to half past 7 in the morning. means another ten minutes before the assembly starts.

2 spoon of fried rice into the mouth and the hell presented itself uninvited.

I sucked as much teh ais as I can and scurry to assembly.

The sunny side egg was left uneaten with the other.

My fault, it was and spidey was right.

So that's about Spidey, now we move on to our PK HEM.

On a fine weekend evening at about 6 pm, my party of 5 people decided to visit the night market, which turned out to be a dissappointment.

Whoever put sausage in pasembur?I never remember having something like that,and such a dissapointment the night market was that we were back at the gate 20 minutes after.

That guard, he surely doesn't understand Malay.

We told him we are going out for night market and would leave our names as extra precaution.

And you know what happened afterwards?

As my parents got a shock of their life receiving love letter from school saying their daughter fled from hostel, I was asked to key in my demerit into the system.

Honestly, why are something like these happened when you are being honest?

And the most memorable one would be the encounter with the big boss himself, the principal.

I was avoiding morning assembly in hostel when I bumped into the principal himself on my way to class.

This time, honesty is not the policy anymore and I got away cleanly.

And so it happened, all our data regarding yearly school magazine publication was destroyed by an army of ant.

Stomp those tiny, irritating things. Stomp!stomp!stomp!

We had to stayed back in school with the final year students so that they would have a momento of their senior year and what did they do to us?

Very much!

Apart from verbally accusing us af stealing their portion of meals, they left quite a generous amount of things after they were done with SPM once and for all.

There's no way we would stay in an empty hostel, so we met for overnight work at our big operation room.

The boys heaved in packets of Milo, brand new socks, backpack and many other things left by those already school leavers.

Picture mice with the things they dig out-now you get the clear picture of the boys.

To kill the time, we did our work, read comic, and me playing artist with Microsoft paint.

The guard was on his round and we shouted to him that we were in doing works, and as we thought he came back later, but now with the principal clad in teluk belanga and kain pelikat and another guard!!

That night, we were escorted by all three men.

All of them holding the big torchlight.

Anybody who would be there would think that we have been caught *fill in the blank*

At that time, I thought nothing is wrong with staying up overnight in a brightly lit large space to finish all those editorial works, but now, I beg to differ, never try this people.

I and Aidilla went to sleep in sickbay that night, with Aidilla styling the priciple from pengetua to penyu tua.

Not that poor old man fault at all.

We were young and thoughtless.

And the next morning, all four of us found ourselves squeezed at the back of the principal's Mercedez, with him and his wife.

He took us to breakfast - roti canai.

I couldn't believe something like that would happened to me.

I was having breakfast at warung with my own principal with his wife.

Honestly saying, I tried and managed to excel in academic, participate in anything that I can, with the hope that I can be a prefect.

Prefect set aside, I was not even librarian, honestly teling you I felt like I was not noticed at all and I believe that I had all the rights to be made at least a librarian.

Anyway, with bits of luck and sponsors, and the great teamwork, the PUNCAK publication when I was the editor came out glossy and with my batch memorial elegant as wanted.

I don't know about the fellow schoolmates, but it was a personal victory for me.

Kami hanya budak biasa. Oh, yg baju merah tu luar biasa sikit, dia otai.

And alhamdulillah, my status as a student wearing the ordinary turqoise sarong and white kurung and scarf still lead me to many wonderful opportunities.

For those who were there with me during those 5 years and the most memorable final 2 years.

Thank you for everything.

For every good and bad thing, for the joy and tears and cheeky days.

It has been a wonderful journey!

Gambar dicilok dari koleksi Soksekians.

Cardioversion

2011-05-05T13:21:00.000-07:00

It's internal medicine again!

I just love this particular subject. Mainly because close contact between student and doctor.

I bet most of the lecturers don't even know we are there.

So yeah, hands on and great doctor = fun time of internal medicine.

As usual we had brainstorming, today about pneumonia and bronchitis.

People, Salbutamol would help to bronchodilate the bronchitis.

And ampicillin would be a standard treatment for pneumonia.

And basically, most people with pneumonia come to the doctor complaining of fatigue, feverish and chill.

Since these are very general symptoms, you would suspect either urinary tract infection or respiratory tract infection.

GP will send for urine test first, because it's more affordable and simple yet very efficient.

If it comes out negative then we'll send the patient for test(s) of pneumonia and then start the antibiotic treatment.

The treatment would last 5-6 days for bronchitis and about a month for pneumonia and if the pneumonia is severe, treatment would be for about 2 months.

I'm always keen to try most of the practicals we are offered.

Being a medical student means you have the chance to make plethora of tests on your own body and other's.

So, I try to grab every chance.

ECG, bicycle glucose test, and loads more.

It's fun!

And today, since Dr Solar offer for cardioversion, I raised my hand without thinking twice.

Of course to send electric shock into someone chest to terminate the arrythmia, from a student point of view, it's really a big thing, at least it is for me.

I don't have the confidence in me but I have the confidence in Him.

Cardioversion is a big thing yes, and I am up for it because I know sooner or later I'll be doing it.

I expressed my concern about doing it to my friend, but when we are visiting the patient, he said he would prefer for the doctor or nurse to do it.

Lesson learnt!~ even me myself wouldn't give my chest for electric shock delivered by someone who ain't fluent in my language(s).

So Lina has to czech the Czech language up, no other way!

Anyway the shock was delivered twice but the arrythmia is still there.

Owing to 3 major risks, the patient would be undergoing drug treatment with amiodarone.

Those 3 risks are low but are quite significant.

Propofol, the general anesthesia can lead to low blood pressure which would be quite a hassle to manage.

Dr Solar said he's seen it and he doesn't want to see it again. Wonder how difficult the patient condition was.

About the patient, he's warm and the doctor and nurse kept telling him "don't be afraid" and when the nurse let go of his hand, he cheekily said, na shledanou, whih means goodbye.

Anyway he came around a couple of minutes after the cardioversion feeling very good.

He had nice dream but he was hungry and his wife is coming to visit.

Another patient had a massive myocardial infarction.

He is put under cool pad ~ run with cold saline solution that's kept cold by the cooler.

The aim is to have below 34 degree celcius temperature, so that the enzymes in his body particularly his brain are inactivated, simultaneously lowering the metabolism to prevent further strain on the body system.

Anyway, that's for today.

Psycho Psychology

2011-05-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

Like many others, I don't really fancy psychology classes.

Remember, I had 2 modules of character building every weekday morning for full 2 months and also most of weekday evening watching character building video.

I have never done anything more boring than the latter, and believe me, when we have to go for psychology seminar, I know well what to expect ~ boredom and less cooperative classmates.

Not your fault really - I told you it's expected to be boring.

But like what I did back in National service, I try to participate, at least to not dissappoint the trainers/lecturers and maybe, for keberkatan ilmu itself - U don't only talk about it, u practise it people.

And as expected, there are some games that at least kill the mundane atmosphere.

In psychology, even though lame as it may sound, there's no harm in answering questions such as what is the mode of communication?

Methinks isyarat asap or snail mail or pigeon =p. How about you?

We had to go infront and play doctor patient communication and it was a disappointment that even the boys weren't up for volunteering.

I just miss the good old National service where everyone was ever so sporting.

I heart my fellow trainees. They may be blunt and hurting at times but their chivalry and sportingness get the best.

And we had this passing on information games - just like kursus kenegaraan back in camp.

The teacher wished for other people to participate but turned out I was the giddy one and along with Neo, Zikri and Patrick, we made a spectacular job.

I was told that a man has his flight on the July 12 cancelled and he is to fly Air India on 15th and transit in Bahrain and get on Gulf Air bound to Hong Kong. And he shall contact Miss Clarks for verification.

My misinformation to Zikri - the man is to phone MR. Clarks upon arriving in Hong Kong

Zikri's misinformation - flight on April from India and many others

Neo's - flight to Baghdad

OMG we laughed real hard and being the 1st person to relay the information, it's quite an eye opening to see how easy we misinformed people in a short time.

So peole, whatever that reach you, mostly it's altered 100% or contain only a tiny fraction of truth to it.

Broke the chain people!

Hilarious as it may be, disastrous as it may turns out.

Then the ultimate activity of the day.

We went out to the foyer and stand facing our partner from the same gender.

We were supposed to get closer spatially to each other.

It was hard for me.

Neo is a friend but to be within inches from each other and be comfortable with it, only my parents and bothers can create such situation.

But I know Neo enjoy hug as I do, so we locked into hug as we bumped.

Now, the most difficult part for me and the ultimately tahap moksya, nirvana difficulty to other Malaysian girls.

Same instruction but partner should be the one from the opposite sex.

My limit of comfortability would be a desk about half a meter but I manged to get closer but not face to face but nearly shoulder to shoulder, even though Hilmi is like 3 quarters of my boys closies back in high school.

The lecturers tried to get those girls moving but to no avail.

Perplexed she asked us and I just explained it's not normal to do this.

I mean to be in intimate distance with a patient is a different thing.

The one that we were doing is a make-up and it's with our classmates.

That's a big wide difference.

As we settled down in class, we were questioned about the activity.

And I didn't really have to voice out my opinion to fill out the void.

Many were ready to give their opinion and share something about our obligation.

I could clearly see that one friend is very shy and I always regard such people highly.

To have such degree of shyness is rare nowadays. It's a good thing.

For me, thanks to the activity, I realize I still have the shy feeling inside me.

Shyness fo me is a good thing and it must come in good measurement, because I also cherish my little confidence that I have in me and I like to share my opinion to anybody who is willing to listen.

And so, we conclude our psycho psychology class, this week.

Prepare for the worst next week!

The Beautiful Past... The Dear and Lamented Past....

2011-05-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

The beautiful past... the dear and lamented past....

-Mark Twain-

In the morning, I wakes up to the cock crowing.

And before I know it, I am on my way to the market with my Tok Tam.

The sun is rising and the dew fresh on the leaves.

We bumped into a man, and he said I am like tikuih teghejun tepong (literally like a mouse that has jumped into the flour), for you see, my Tok Tam has put a handful of baby talc on my face and combed my short hair neatly.

We go for our breakfast, the usual roti canai and teh tarik.

The town is buzzing, people either busy having breakfast, waiting for the bus or buying and selling.

Batu Feringghi market in the early 90's is not a proper market.

We get our vege up there and the fishes beside the road and various kueh from the van near the mosque.

I am always mesmerised by those lions figures scattered in a corner in Yahong's Art Gallery small front compound.

My wish has always been to be in the place myself and I never did, it seems like it's just a distant dream, with the granduncles and grandaunt gone, it doesn't make sense anymore to go in there.

We would return to our two storey abode, made of woods, with a sukun tree at the front.

Tok Tam would switch on into chef mode and after he's done cooking, Mak Lang would already be there.

Together, they would bath tok nek, my great grandma, who's paralysed.

I enjoy dabbing the talcum on her face and watching gummy bears on tv.

We always use Nuri branded soap, it's green and it's smells good.

And then the talc would be the ones in the blue tin bottle, with a ski resort picture on it.

Or we would use the heaty, minty talc in the red bottle when the weather is very humid and hot.

After done grooming Tok Nek, I would always see Mak Lang home.

Mainly, it's because I am always awestrucked by how fast she dissappeared into the corner.

I am always sent to run a few errands, and always forget what should I get from Tok Wan's shop a few metres before reaching the entrance.

So, instead of sending me for a thing and have me back with nothing, we resort to go to the shop together.

Before that, Tok Tam would skin off the old coconut and break them into two hemispheres each.

Sometimes, theres some spongy ball inside and I would ask for it, it is really yummy and spongy.

And off we go to the shop with our coconut to be scraped by the machine.

And I would get a packet of sticky ballon. The ones where u put the paste at the end of the small tube and blow through the other end. You can smack the balloon so that you would get a smallpox balloon.

At home, today, Tok Tam teach me how to trap the hen and chicks.

He makes a small circle with the fishing line, fondly called tali tangsi.

Inside the circle, we put some rice and we retreated 2-3 metres away.

The hen comes pecking at the rice and Tok Tam pulls the string.

Yay!we got a hen!

I tried the same on the chicks and at last we have the hen and her babies under the rattan dumpster.

I would always go look for them, throwing some rice and giving some water in the coming days.

Now we are off for kedai apek.

Tora?Ding Dang?

Jojo? ~ in your dream!plus it's put on the topmost shelf, a sign of the exclusivity methinks.

Ok we would settle for Ding Dang then.

And fake vit C. Yay!

Tomorrow we will have sumi ok?the clear ones.

Now, to the shore we shall go to.

Many uncles under the ketapang tree.

Me loves the beach, the pine leaves and the ketapang leaves.

Also those tiny, colourful seashells and baby crabs!

Run after it and pop, there it goes, into the safety of its hole.

Dig, dig, dig.

Where's the crab? It's gone. =(

See!another one, catch it!!

And then the uncles and Tok Tam starts to take out kayu kambe and lined them.

Since busybody is my specialty, I take one and put them into the sandy beach too.

The fishermen are coming, and as usual, there are two sampan.

We or they, heave it one by one until the sampan gets into the compound.

Jetski has this more elegant carrier with tyres but sampan just need few kayu kambe and joined manforce.

I am that kid who wears a delighted face standing beside the sampan watching my own Tok Ndak untangling the fish or suid or crab from the net.

I smell sea and I smell fresh fish, the waves are splashing mildly on the beach and Pulau Asmara is visible from the spot where I stand.

We walk back home, passing my abah's disabled friend house, passing the small coffeeshop with a fashion house at the front. Everybody is home and as the sun sets, the cock will fly up onto the tree branches, and the muazzin will then be calling for prayer.

At 8, the news would start and the elderly watch only TV1, teman setia anda!!!!

As the same nostalgic man voice drones on, there's only one way to kill the boredom ~ imitiating the sign language.

Then it's time for bed.

Tok Tam sleeps on the pangkin, I sleep in the toddler hammock. My hammock is of blue and white material and it's very nice to sleep outside, the air is fresh and cool.

Good night!

PLKN : The Day Walk and The Night Walk

2011-04-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

As usual, after lunch and Zuhur, we would hasten into lines, in our combat suit ready for the next agenda.

That day, the agenda would be day walk. So we climb the highest hill up to helipad with our flag.

Up there, u can see the Penang bridge on a clear day. Anyway, we would walk in our company, boys and girls apart. This time, no trainer would escort us and they would only stand at some places.

The instruction is to walk in line, all the time minding who's in front and who's at the back so that nobody would go missing, beacuse our day walk is not a walk by the lake, instead it's a walk in the jungle and like I said, tropical jungle is very different from European's woods. And we are supposed to plan the journey according to what we were taught in coordination class. So, we set off with a compass and a given bearing. The main instruction is very clear ~ follow the bearing.

The rough sketch of our day walk. There was an exquisite scene of autumn like colours on the hill next to helipad hill.

And down we went from the helipad, helping each other at some tough spots and admiring the plants along the way.

The walk was a scenic one since the trees were the shades of autumn and at one point we were walking under bamboo shades (not the big scary type of bamboo of course).

And then, we were crossing a small stream and facing this slippery slope. And according to the bearing, we have to get through the slope. Thing is, it's not a really that big of a deal to take over that slippery slope if only one or two people is/are going to go through. But after 7 people or so, it would be dangerous for the next person to climb up that slope and how many girls do we have in our company? Well, if I'm not mistaken, there were about 40 of us.

And then, the trainer came to the rescue.

"U were not supposed to cross any stream or climb any contour"

U must have lost your way.

And say what? We didn't lost our way. In fact, the girls at the front were doing a perfect job, only that the trainer that let us off from helipad mixed up our bearing with other group's bearing.

Luckily we are trained with physical activity for quite some time alredy and finishing the walk in a longer distance than planned didn't cost us that much. We reached some settlement and settled for warm tea and bread. I don't know about the other, but after living on top of a hill with 500 people for quite some time, sitting on a coconut trunk or on the edge of a drain in the middle of a kampung setting was really appreciable. And those people, both fellow trainees and trainers were so sporting that I enjoy it even more.

We got into lines again, counted our number and set off for camp, this time passing the path that we travelled on our maiden journey to camp. There was a temple that grows dragonfruit and we passed a house with a roasted pig laying on the table outside, maybe was used for some some of ceremony or celebration. We took our shower, gather our laundry for pick up and darted down again to dining hall for dinner. And as we were having our hearty dinner, we heard that Delta girls also lost their way and they are not back yet. They walked all the way to Kulim town. You should make a phew sound at this point.

A town may sound nice judging to the fact that you could sneaked into the shop to buy some refreshments and whatsnot. But let me tell you, to get there from helipad is quite a feat. Town is very far from camp and even with those training we already had, they are not sufficient for such a long journey.

Anyway, not long after, we had night walk. And the scene before the walk was very funny.

Our starting point is the surau. And as always, Alpha is the first to go. Hand firmly clasping the amulet, prayers heard here and there, another hand clasping friend's ~ sufficient to say, if any spirit would appear that evening, we would all be in mental facilities before we graduated from camp.

And ahoy, off we go, this time with a trainer. I don't really remember if we each have our torchlight with us. Walking in the dark, it's a very stimulating thing to do. Walking in a big group of scared girls like us, the bonding vibrate more than ever. If in a day walk you can see the beauty along the journey, night walk brings you to feel your journey since all you see is darkness. You learn to appreciate with your hearing and sixth sense.

First leg, we walk in a jungle, trodding on the leaves in the midst of noisy crickets' sound.

Then we walked out into an open space, the stars above us. I didn't have the time to divulge in what's above me since there's sound of running footsteps and then, a sound of someone legs gave off. Rufa ran to catch up (or was it beacuse of another reason) and fall on the ground with a screeching sound

Anyway, it seems that the place is a meet up place since the other girls and boys were there too.

We were instructed to sit down and cover our eyes. We shushed around, asking who's that, who's this to find out which company is there too. You know what? It has been almost 5 years and I really don't remember much about this part. But we then set off again, now across a small river.

Yes, u heard me right. We crossed a small river in the dark. In fact it's the kind of river with big bamboos growing on both its banks and the river itself, albeit just shin deep, was loaded with trash. And the smell, enough to make you temporarily forget about your fear of gory beings. And even the combat boots didn't protect your feet. Yuckish!

Well, I'd rather do this than sitting in the hall and watching the ever so boring character building video that we were made to watch most evenings. I haven't done anything more boring than that believe me. And everybody arrived at the foot of our accommodation hill, sweaty and tired and yearning for bed uphill. Sitting on the tar, sweating in your stained combat suit among other friends under the starry nightsky singing songs, it was such a pleasure and I'm glad I had the chance to do another night walk when in peparation programme.

PLKN is nothing like school and it has everything that I enjoy doing, all at the right intensity, and plethora of friends. The only regrettable thing is that it's just a 3 months long program. Thank you Allah, for choosing me to be elected.

The Brothers

2011-04-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

Our last Eid with late Tok Ndak. Al-Fatihah

I only have 2 brothers.

A statement that I always repeated to my mother whenever she tells me that I love my brothers too much.(read : spoiling them)

Because they are the only siblings that I have, and I treasure them much.

I am fully myself when I am with them, means to say, we have to bear with each other shortcomings.

U don't bicker about light off except with your siblings, and nobody else would dare to make a sleeping me a shield. And nobody else would throw the pillow, missed the target and hit me instead, who is sleeping soundly, full on the face.

Maybe it's the fact that we are just the three, that despite bickering whole day long, at night, when one is sleeping soundly, the other one would sit near, examining the sleeping face, stroking my hair/rubbing his head, tickling the eyelashes or nostrils and steal a couple of pecks.

For me, seeing my siblings sleep is a bless. I am not home everyday, but when I am home, it reminds me, this young man sleeping in front of me, is my brother, and I know I love him and I hope I will continue to treasure, the both of them.

We have been through so much together.

For few years, we celebrated Eid together, just the three of us after solah, since our parents had to work.

We took the bus together to Batu Feringghi and back.

There's one Eid when we were going to Jelutong and the bus as usual took yonks to come.

Nazir was babbling and me and Nazri could just smile and second him. And he eventually had had it enough and stormed back home, only for us to find him later sitting comfortably in Mak Chaq's living room, having arrived much, much earlier with abah.

The cheeky face of Nazir when he seems like he's going to finish the cookies before Eid would dawn on us or the straight face of Nazri, when he just did the exact thing.

I adore my siblings, very much.

How couldn't you?

Each time you spoon in something into the mouth, comes the sound "aum".

Sometime, when you are so much into the kerabu, then you look up to the faces, looking on you with that tender loving face, kind of telling you "I like seeing my sister eat, makes me full myself "

Oh, and the time when Nazir acompany me to finish sucking out those spicy balitongs and those times when Nazri and I would pick something up for us 3 to eat.

You know what, it's the sense of feeling responsible of each other and wanting to protect each other.

That's why I am so defensive when my cousin told me that my new brother is as black as crow. I and Nazri had been waiting for Nazir to come and we don't care about his dark shade.

That's why Nazri always nag Nazir about solah and that's why sometimes I find myself sandwiched between them 2 in the bus.

I had quite a long summer last year, just that Nazri was not home that frequent.

Me and Nazir decided that we have to have him home on weekends no matter what.

The cajoling paid off and Nazri was home every weekend.

Talking Nazir into tidying his boxes has no effect.

So we would camp together and sorted things out, while singing to the tune Wonderpet.

For everything that I put down to donate to the bin, Nazir would scavenge them back.

The 10 cent cards, the topup cards, well, almost everything.

Aje want to keep this, Aje want to keep that.

U kakak, u want to throw everything out.

You know what?

Last summer, as usual, I came home to many new items in my closet but I found out, that I'm missing two boxes of bags and books.

I didn't recovered the bags.

But it's ok, it's ok.

I love growing up with you 2, my brothers.

I pray to Allah may kakak panda, abang kondi and aje tonggek would stick together until death meet us.

I know I am only borrowing them and for the time being, I'll continue to treasue and help my two brothers and I'll miss them like I do now.

Nazri, tu me manques et Nazir, tu me manques aussi.

I Entered A Contest.

2011-04-01T16:57:00.001-07:00

Your support would be very lovely. =)

P/s : I entered just for fun.

Aquaholic

2011-03-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

It all started when I was cramming for Physical examination and Microbiology exam. I fall in love and now, I seem to be strongly attached.

Now, it's jemně perlivá voda (lightly carbonated water), always.

Others won't do.

2 bottles down

Yes, I am currently downing at least 3 litres or 2 bottles of Jemně perlivá Poděbradka, every day.

It's just that it's not too sugary nor heavily carbonated.

Main reason why I keep going to the ladies is beacuse of the carbonated feeling of the water, it's hard to resist.

Luckily, the supply come at a cost.

Buying a bottle each day is insufficient yet heaving 6 bottles from TESCO to home is also not an easy job. At least it keeps my intake at 2 bottles per day.

My concern is that I would increase my daily intake.

Too much water ain't good.

Indeed, anything, if u take it too little or too much, it never end up good.

I don't really know how to stop the intake but since my intake has been 3 litres a day, I try to keep it at 3 litres and gradually would tone it down to 2 litres a day.

It doesn't sound that hard but believe me, it is hard.

Like now, I'm refraining myself to pop open another bottle.

Can not!!!!Even though it's already half past midnight.

A Prayer

2011-03-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

O Allah, I beg You.

Ease my path, ease my way.

Please.

Amin ya rabbal a' lamin.

Would You Tell Me

2011-03-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

I was at my landlord place just now (just in front of our place).

We were discussing about our extra energy usage~cold water, hot water, heating and electric.

We have to pay an extra of 24 600 czech crown for the energy we used from January to October 2010.

And let me tell you, our rent is only 17 500 czech crown a month.

Admittedly we use quite a lot, but still we think that we have tone down from what we used in 2009.

We cook at least once a day and we use electric for cooking.

Since last December, I couldn't sleep without getting nightmare if the lamp is off, so that's out of topic because December isn't counted in (anyway, I tried to use study lamp instead of the main lamp)

Or maybe we keep our lights on longer than any Czech.

In winter itself, most houses are dark past 8 pm.

Ok, can you tell me how do we save up on this?

So we moved on to cold water, of which I asked where does this come from?

I don't remember using them.

Now Lina, cold water goes to the laundry.

Ah yess, the washing machine.

Now we couldn't really help this part could we?

Or do you expect me to handwash my clothes?

Thanks, I have enough to do.

About the hot water.

Hehehe.

We can help this part a lot I think.

When doing the dishes, I should keep the water in the sink, dunk in the dishes, let the water out, sponge those dishes shiny and then soak the bubbles off.

Yes, we can do that.

When it comes to bath, I think showering does waste your water triple the amount that u would use for bath if u use cebok and kolah.

Now, I couldn't build a kolah in our bathroom, but then maybe we can cut the bathtime.

I know it blows away your body pampering but I'd rather take that than paying extra crown.

Now the heating need a little touch up.

If the bill in heating part goes up next time, we know the person got meter from other house mixed up with us.

We turn off the bathroom heater.

I used the heater in my room just about twice or thrice this winter, each for a brief time only.

We forgot to switch off the kitchen's but we switched it off already when they came to take the reading.

About the big rooms, we gonna get the landlord to seal off any gap in the window frame or doorframa.

And let's hope we make a massive improvement and just have to pay around 4000kc extra.

Does that sound impossible?

Defibrillation

2011-03-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

We walked in today to an old man lying on his bed, all prepared for defibrillation.

He had atrial flutter, second most common arrythmia after atrial fibrillation.

As said by my doctor, atrial flutter is more common in old people, usually brought about by organic heart disease (cardiac malformation such as atrial dilatation, valvular diseases etc.)

A doctor provided oxygen to the patient and a nurse administered propofol or what they call, the Jackson drug.

It has milk like appearance.

Propofol is used here as general anasthesia to send the patient into hypnotic state.

Defibrillation is a procedure where you send electric shock into the patient body to correct the arrythmia.

It was a very painful procedure since the voltage makes an excruciating stabbing pain and taken this into account, defibrillation is done when the patient is unconscious.

A patient reportedly needed to be sent to the psychiatric department for few months due to phobia of defibrillator after an excruciating defribillation procedure.

Back to propofol, this drug can cause respiratory arrest in overdosing.

Otherwise it sedative effect is rather transient and patient regain consciousness rapidly.

The defibrilator was put on the chest and the current went through, sending the patient torso in midair for a nick of time before it dropped back onto the bed, his hand rested on it.

It was as fast as a bolt of lightning.

We took turns pumping the oxygen.

The chin must be tilted so that the airway is patent and the mask shall be hold correctly so that no air gets out and all is good as long as the oxygen saturation meter reads above 95%.

The patient woke up as the third person took over pumping the oxygen.

It has been a really good day at the hospital.

And maybe next time we can perform defibrillation ourselves?

Eksesais Wira Jaya

2011-03-20T12:58:00.001-07:00

Basically, it's a 2 days and 1 night survival camp. (or was it 3 days and 2 nights?)

They loaded us with knowledge on how to identify edible plant, how to make traps, how to dig the earth so that you can answer the call of nature and whatsnot the weeks prior to the survival camp.

On the day itself, packed with poncho, pots and pans, rucksack and some provision we set off to the site which is just 15 minutes walk away from camp.

But still, u are in the middle of jungle. Not thick one though, merely like Czech woods I must say.

First tasks were digging hole for toilet and trash, cutting out bamboo for poles and support for the tent etc.

It was very enjoyable.

Although I grew up going into and out of bushes with the cousins, I never dare to go near bamboos.

Spirits and snakes, enough to send me off that place.

However, it's scary no more when there are girls with parangs excited to show off some manly skills they possess.

Done propping up the tent, we went for a quick dip at the stream.

I mean, my family did this once in a while when I was small.

You know, those times when the water supply was interrupted and the well went dry and you would go for dip in the stream.

Having dip with friends are really nice, plus the surrounding tree (now, my description sounds scary but it's not, when you have tenths of screaming girls with you)

And then the nature decides to send me off the stream..

As I lift my hand to throw water, I saw it, a tiny, dark brown, glistening cylindrical thing, firmly fastened to my hand and since I didn't know what the hell was that and I am ever so disgusted by worms and snakes, I freaked out.

I was frantically shaking my hand to get that thing off and yelling, gone was the composure, who need that anyway in times like this.

A girl came, take a look at that thing and cooly took it off my hand and throw it away~in the water (-,-')

The tentmates

Lunch followed up next and we set our fire and painfully trying to open the cans using parang (mental note : must buy Swiss army knife when I go to Switzerland)

I opened the sardine can at the cost of my combat suit.

The sauce toppled over my wrist, staining it and left a rather strong perfume.

Going to scrub it at the stream is a big no-no, especially when I saw a black snake swam by when I was having a face tan under the sun.

Meet Cikgu Apai. He taught us Golf Romeo (Layman's term, grid reference)

We had a competition, making traps.

Because all of us were doing something other than listening and making notes when we had survival class in camp, we decided to dig a trapping pit, and since digging hole is very hampering, we managed only a 20+ cm depth and decided to put some sharp=pointed bamboo.

The camp commandant didn't find it useful though but we told him, this would suffice for ayam hutan and mouse deer.

In the evening, we went into lines and they nicked the biggest two in each company.

We were supposed to find those 2.

Walking with torch in hand and the instructor with us with a warning, never shine the torch and see up the trees (yes, even in a big company, it's creepy and is strongly advised)

We went through quite some hurdles, visiting some mad men (who were unmistakeably some of the trainers themselves) dancing around the bonfire and by the time we reached our destination, our legs already aches from the long journey.

And we were supposed to locate those 2 girls in the middle of the pitch dark.

One was thrown somewhere near a bush, another was found on a tree branch.

I don't know how they went through that. For sure, I don't want to be in their position.

I'd rather sleep with an arm feeling like the mucles double their size and aching all night long from carrying those two girls from where we found them back to our campsite, of which I did.

I couldn't believe how another company got their girl back. They had the biggest and tallest girl.

Must have feel like losing an arm for two days I think.

The survival camp came to an end. We close the "toilet" and the trash pit, packed our tent and walked baxk to the camp.

The boys stole some boxes of mandarins from the vice camp commandant Mercedes and a latah girl cut a baby cobra into 5 pieces.

And I was feeling all great, despite the fact of 2 days with no shower in a combat suit stained with sardine sauce.

The camp has been fun and I enjoyed myself.

Credit : Photos are scavenged from the internet.

Rantings

2011-03-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

This week passed at unusually fast pace.

After rise, I would go to classes which ends at half past 1 and when I think I've only covered 20% of what should have been done that day (minus class), it's time for bed.

I don't really think that my life this week has been that hectic but oh well.

I'll just hope that next week would creep.

I really need to feel like that.

Anyway, the moon felt unusually close today.

It's a bright full moon and the stars seem rather dim today.

The weather has been such a darling, until last 4 days and yesterday evening, we even had snowfall.

And to day it was freezing cold even though the thermometer said that it's 9 degrees.

I need to dig for those layers again.

This winter has been cold but we were snowed in for the whole December, only.

Which is quite unusual due to the facts ~ snow usually come starting january and would stay in as long as 3 months or so, where there would be piles of them continously. And snow means messy affair. This year, messy affair almost wasn't there.

I had many wrapped things this week.

And it's not even my birthday!

I guess that heals my heart.

Handling unreasonable attitudes, feeling rather unproductive and delayed workloads.

Maybe sometime you are bound to encounter this simultaneously.

The housemates have been really helpful too.

Things like eating dinner together and scrubbing the kitchen while talking about stuff really are good therapies.

I'll miss this in the future.

Old Time

2011-03-12T13:40:00.001-08:00

The Workloads

2011-03-10T05:55:00.000-08:00

Finally, I am done with Microbiology exam.

After the longest revision I've had and after the first time re-revising all the exam questions.

It was an interesting subject, minus the re-revising part.

Alhamdulillah.

Just as I stepped out of the department, I mentally list down things that need my further attention.

I have to get some new books, order the printer inks

And study loads of topics from 4 of big trophies of theoretical medicines pathological anatomy, pathological physiology, internal medicina andddd pharmacology.

Though the first three are somewhat correlate to each other, it somewhat can be tricky, not at times, but all the times.

Yet the abnormal trait in me come out again and I know, as long as it doesn't concern the final exams, I am very much loving what are in store for me.

I personally think to have many things to tend on is a rezeki.(well, in my case, I do love what are on my plates)

Of course it would be tiring but hey, you are going to gain knowledge, experience and more . You re going to enrich yourself.

Those are rezeki aren't them?

So cheer up and get going!

PLKN : The Food

2011-03-05T15:40:00.002-08:00

So, we'll talk about yummy things.

I didn't even think about food until I was at camp.

All in my head were those adrenaline pumping activities that I would be having in camp.

Imagine kayaking, high ropes, abseilling and all things outdoor, they are yummier than food (now, this is quite a statement because I am a person who love her food, very much)

Anyway, food was generous and very well prepared.

No need to pack a baggage full of provision.

And the perk of being in Alpha company ~ U get to go first for breakfast.

And everybody suddenly was not sleepy anymore and hasten to the dining hall from the small hill.

Never, ever run!

The hill is steep and u don't want to go rolling down, believe me.

Every morning, without fail, I would have boiled egg.

Breakfast consists of main menu, white bread with spread and boiled egg.

The heaviest breakfast I had at 7 in the morning before PLKN was nasi lemak.

PLKN beated that record.

I had complete set of curry noodles and porridge with salted egg to name a few in the camp.

We had class in the morning and we would go straight downhill for breakfast in our postman attire.

Downhill again and problem is, girls had these sparkly black and an inch thick heels.

Now, U don't want to scratch them nor u would want to chase your cup that rolls downhill.

U don't want either of that under the scorching sun, and so, u would walk downhill nicely (read : slowly)

I thought SOKSEK lunch throughout the week mostly were horrible.

Anyway, PLKN or to be exact, Kem PLKN Bukit Besar really is a five star camp.

Lunch was always good, nothing that I don't fancy.

Even their shrimp was fresh and guess what? when we said farewell to our commandant that'll leave for Nepal, we had ikan bakar.

Yes, the whole camp had ikan bakar cicah air asam.

Now, that really beats SOKSEK to pulp doesn't it?

The trainers would always patron lunch and asked us if the lunch was to our liking and to tell him if we have any problem.

I cheekily said it's okay to have leaf worm, after all it tells us the vege grew up healthily and the smart-looking trainers said, ok, he'll ask for them to not wash the vege after that. *stick out tongue*

Oh yes, we were even allowed second helping if I'm not mistaken.

We also had tea, only thing was, wira and particularly wirawati, don't really care about it.

Tea consists of some kuih muih and hot teh tarik.

Now, that's not really comforting when u r drenched in the ever so revealing blue shirt and padded tracksuit that have cuff on the ankle (yuckish attire, that one was), or when U r in the combat suit looking like KFC fried chicken.

Anyway, it was good when it's weekend.

I remember being so happy that they would serve bubur chacha on one weekend.

I asked the whole dorm for someone to accompany me downhill for tea but well, the sight of it was scary enough, everybody was in their own world during weekend, because weekend is the only time when we were allowed mobiles and for that, nobody's coming down for tea with me.

But I insisted on having the bubur chacha and went down alone.

Just to be dissappointed because they serve bubur kacang instead (for unkown reason, I never have a liking for bubur kacang. But I really like ais krim kacang)

After all the useless effort to get the girls have tea with me.

After braving myself to go down alone.

Holy molly bubur kacang.

Why oh why??

But in one of our first few days in camp, we didn't really have much to do.

Only we have to work on KKJ which needs us to come out with cheers, flag and name for our company all the while waiting for our turns to get our logistic supplies (survival kits, poncho, boots and such).

And guess what's for tea?

Laksa!!!!

My eternal love.

I just couldn't believe it, laksa for tea!

And so, meehoon sup and bubur gandum for supper were not a surprise anymore.

6 meals a day, so I shall thanks our government and the taxpayer.

That was really, the best thing to do after SPM.

I was a wirawati that's well fed and when I am well fed, I am a happy girl.

And to be well fed, I kept my tray, cup and cutleries on my hand, not rolling down the hill. =)

Food Memories

2011-03-05T04:29:00.000-08:00

I feel like reminiscing my food memories with the people from my childhood.

So, I shall start with one of the man that I love and am very thankful for.

This man, was my saviour when I passed out ascaris lumbricoidales and the one whom I spent my days with before I started schooling. He is my Tok Tam.

He is the one who taught me different ways to enjoy my roti canai.

I always had my roti canai damp with the dhal gravy until one day he decided that I should try dipping my roti canai in the gravy instead of having my plate flooded. And he also taught me that I can also have my roti canai with condensed milk instead.

In our days together, we frequented these 2 particular coffee shops in Batu Feringghi. They were those typical Chinese coffe shops in the 90's.

U know, the kind of coffee shop that serves your coffee in the cream coloured cups with mossy green floral prints along the matching saucer.

I wasn't allowed coffe but I had tea. And sometimes, when Tok Tam feel like it, I would have half boiled egg mixed into my tea.

He would pour the hot drink on the saucer, shaking it gently in a circular motion and feed me my drink from that very saucer.

It was very nice that I am thankful that I had that moment to reminisce upon.

I knew those coffe shops that we went to had been stripped down to make way for what they call development but here I am, typing my memories down, so that it won't be stripped away from me too.

I would always tag Tok Tam to the morning market.

For breakfast we sometimes had roti canai at the shop and sometimes, we would pick something up from the breakfast van.

They had this spread of kuih muih and dishes.

Only thing is that I hated all those except for kuih lapis, karipap and nasi lemak.

I always sulk when I had pulut inti.

Glutinous rice is never my favourite, except when you make it yellow and accompanied with generous chicken or beef curry.

And this pulut inti, not only it is plain glutinous rice, it even has this sweet shaved coconut to go with.

Thanks Allah, it dissappeared from my life long ago. =p

We all know there are kids that when we tell them not to do something, they will run towards it instead.

Well, I was one of them.

It was our typical morning.

My paralysed great grandmother was in bed, and I was in the kitchen with my Tok Tam.

I had nasi lemak on banana leaf that morning when my Tok Tam was washing the fishes (he's the housekeeper. Tok Ndak, Tok Cik and Tok Teh were the ones who worked)

He clearly told me not to eat the shrimps' heads.

Instead of asking why not, I decided to find the reason by myself and stuff them into my mouth

Chewing them for a brief second, I found the answer.

I spat out whatever in my mouth and in my stomach and was sporting tears in my eyes, and my Tok Tam left the fishes to attend to the over smart grandniece.

I promised myself I'll never chew shrimp head again.

One day, I was having so much fun at school when dad came fetching me out.

I was jovial and all hyped out to go home.

At home, my parents put me into kurung and they broke the news on the way to Batu Feringghi.

The man that I love, the man that ran away from me in my dream few weeks ago, was indeed, has been taken away from me.

It was the second funeral in half than a year and I was taking it so hard. I was totally not ready for it.

The house again smelt of lime leaves and incense sticks.

They were returning from the shop (they went to buy drinks for the workers), my two brothers and Tok Tam, when he collapsed in the middle of the road.

Nazri was clueless and very small Nazir was calling "Tok Tam?" all the while, giving the lifeless man the spilled teh tarik with the straw.

Our Indian neighbour was the one who found them a few minutes after when she was out to get something.

After the funeral, my parents gave each of us orange vitagen, the last momento from our beloved Tok Tam.

That man, he never allowed me yogurt and always substituted it with vitagen and at his very last moment he bought us vitagen, now, as the substitution to himself.

I grew up embracing the fact that our time is over and at last have the yogurt that I was so keen to try and I still love my vitagen.

One and half years later, I was attending tuiton at Rama's Guest House.

Kala was a lioness and that day I was left to do some exercises in the book.

I learned the lesson not to write "I don't know" to the question that I don't know for the second time.

There was a plate of nuggets in front of me.

I didn't really fancy nugget that much nor do I hate it.

I was racking my brain to solve the questions when a hand with two fingers came running on the table towards those golden nuggets.

That hand came running thrice and was knocked away thrice before it got the nugget.

That hand then came my way with a Hi.

There were wau bulan of various sizes suspended above us and I decided to forget my exercise for a while and shaked that friendly hand.

"Hi, I am Stevey. S.T.E.V.E.Y"

And so, our brief story begins.

Whenever he came visiting with his father, I would be delighted.

He loved the racing bike so much, it has black handles with white stars.

And he got himself injured somewhere near the Chinese school with that bicycle.

I didn't really have a clear memory of what happened next.

I found him on my way to fetch my brother from preschool and we got him home (I forgot how did we actually get him out of the mess).

Anyway, few days later, the nugget boy was all happy out of the shower showing me (who, again with the difficult exercises to tend to) the yellow plastic covering the wound on his leg.

And then it came to an end too.

It was our last evening together.

Small Nazir tagged along, and we went to the beach and crossed the small estuary.

Uncle Peter heaved Nazir and we had paddle pop ice creams on our way home.

We promised to see each other again and I would have camera or watch or whatever the next time we meet.

Only thing is that, now after 10 years, the promise is still yet to be realised.

My family moved away and along the way, we somehow lost contact.

I would love to really know what was it that uncle Peter said to me many many years ago, but I guess nobody remember what was it, or were it now.

I still hope we can see each other and know it.

And I am yet to go to Switzerland.

The promise, even though I don't really remember the faces and don't know the exact names, still, I hope it can be realised.

Our partings were and still are bitter facts.

On the contrary to the yummy things that coloured our days together, and for that I smile and feel glad to have such moments =)

A Handsome Young Man

2011-03-04T15:21:00.000-08:00

wasted.

We already started our internal medicine practical and I got the same group with the same doctor.

The patient that we reviewed on Thursday is a young 23 year old and he got the look.

And multiple problems.

He got infective endocarditis where the bacterial overgrowth on the heart vessel is clearly visible on the echocardiogram

The skin is dotted with multiple flat, red lesion and splinters under the nail~typical signs of infective endocarditis.

He took intrevenous drug and that costs him his liver and his current condition.

I learned from before not to make assumptions and think good of others.

This young man must have his own reasons, for what that led him to be on that particular bed.

His pain teaches me to be grateful of my health.

His delusion teaches me to take care of my sanity.

I went to hospital with intention to learn internal medicine, I came out with more than that.

I came out feeling grateful that whatever that happened these past 21+ years, I am what I am now.

Better off than many other people and I have healthy circles of individuals around me who are not doing alright, instead they prosper and so I say, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

PLKN : The People

2011-02-27T14:55:00.000-08:00

Ok, we had commandant, vice commandant, nurses and doctor and part-time-pain-on-the-ass trainers (some of them, luckily!).

My company trainers were Cikgu Nora, Cikgu Awie, and Cikgu Cilabai Laut (I forgot this man name already)

Cikgu Nora was a sweet one ~ because she didn't yell and she was like a sister.

I can even laugh out when doing out my punishment (10 times star jump) for leaving my laundry more than a day out under the sun.

Cikgu Awie was a man with few words and thick moustache.

Why Awie? because he was always on the Harley Davidson like bike.

Cikgu Cilabai Laut, because he used this phrase a lot, there another Cilabai phrase of which the next word I already forgot.

edit another cilabai is cilabai ma'arib (read with idgham sil-vous-plait)

This one is a funny one.

He was strict but the Alpha company just couldn't put straight faces when he was in charge.

He would ask the whole company to lie down at the break of dawn and stare at the beautiful morning sky and cycle you legs off.

He makes us do things that we wouldn't do.

Before obstacles competition, we were made to drink some water, that he poured it down our throat himself, each one of us but we pulled the mark so that we were placed bottom in obstacles competition.

It was not us, it was the water!

Really.hehehehe.

Ya, and the chief trainer of Alpha company, already forgot his name but he was close to Jalaludin Hassan, a father figure himself.

I remember his last words to a fellow trainer on my final bus ride home from camp.

He told the teacher to get married early and get babies because when u will be 40, late night with babies crying is not that nice.

There are some trainers that trained my batch in this video.

So about the trainees.

We had Malays, Indians, Chinese and even Siamese.

PLKN is supposed to be an integration platform but throughout the 3 months, the divisions are clear.

Chinese would hang out and sit with their fellow Chinese friends, same goes for Malay and Indians.

Our company was somewhat special, the girls, regardless races blend together.

Seeing how we embrace each other differences was awesome.

And seeing our similarities is more than awesome.

There's an Indian girl who was sent to dancing classes.

She had these ankle band made off bells and they ring with every step she took and she danced very beautifully that tells me, there are some people who still embrace their culture and it makes me feel at ease.

There were Chinese girls who wore some sort of amulet to ward the evil off. You could see they were really terrified about these unseen things.

And I thought Chinese don't believe in Malay gory beings. Wrong!

They were dead scared of it.

The Kelantaneses were the one who introduced me to radio IKIM and budu.

I was excited to try budu, and I brought a spoon to have it.

"Mu ingak budu ni madu ko?" (do u think budu is honey?)

And the epic sentence when I was trying to pull off Kelantan dialect

"Mu kecek mace sie" (to my understanding ~ U speak like %#%^#%&. The real deal was ~ U speak like a Siamese)

Sie is sial in Northern dialect and it was very inappropriate word to say that someone is sial and I was furious to receive such remark and next second I realised she meant Siam not sial.

Talking about language diversity.

Chillies are cabai for us and are lada for Kelantanese.

One day, a Kelantanese for the umpteenth time ask, what is chilli called again in Northern dialect and she got a spectacular answer, cibai, and not knowing the vulgarity of the word, she innocently used it around.

One thing that boys like to teach their fellow friends that speak different language or dialect is vulgar words.

One day, in character building class, the teacher asked for a list of bad deed.

A Kelantan boy casually shout out "pelaq cikgu, pelaq".

It means penis and the teacher played deaf and the boy then found out about the truth of the word.

A boy from Bravo was keen on learning Northern dialect and went around for a few days saying "Ulaq melingkaq ataih pagaq.Ulaq melingkaq ataih pagaq."

The whole camp loved to sing, and they sang the 90s ~ rock kapak.

Whenever there's free time, someone would go out to the front, took the mike and sang.

There were four things that we can do when we were called onto the stage (they picked out randomly every evening) ~ crying, talking, dancing or singing.

I mean, my circles from high school do love music but this new society that I was in after high school don't love music, they are obsessed with music.

After 3 months, I don't fancy rock kapak anymore. I had had enough.

There were cheeky and hurtful remarks from boys too.

The anti smoking camping that was going on in Malaysia during that time adopted a picture of broke-into-two unused cigaretta.

And what did a boy say?

"Ala cikgu, boleh hisap separuh-separuh tu"

Being teenagers, it's unavoidable that teenagers send hormones flying around.

Cinta PLKN or as I prefer to call it, 3 months contract love was a nauseated sight to behold.

The girls were dumb and the boys were too disrespectful.

On the second last day of camp, I was talking around with a trainer and a famous couple was having their emotional goodbye.

The girl left with her parents sporting teary eyes and after sending the girl off, the boy came and join us.

The trainer asked how long would he keep the girl.

"It would be over when camp is over, it's a 3 month contract anyway teacher"

I restrained my hand from slapping him.

And the last group that I remember was latah group.

When I came into camp, there were only less than 5 girls who had this peculiar behaviour.

When I left there would be quadruple number of girls with latah.

The latah that was going around camp was the extreme one.

Girls like to poke these kind of girls all the time it's not funny anymore.

They sent book flying round and smashed on other full on the face, they spat dirty words and the most extreme one, when we were out for Eksesais Wira Jaya (survival camp), a girl went out of the tent to a baby cobra, and was shocked (latah) and cut the snake into 5 pieces.

And yes, I spent almost 3 months with these people.

My first step into the real world.

PLKN : The First Day

2011-02-27T14:24:00.000-08:00

We were to report at camp on New Year 2007.

Parents were to drop their kids at pick up center where buses are provided to bring the trainees to their respective camps.

My pick up center was PISA. 10 minutes away.

I met a friend from high school, all excited to leave for camp and the picture of his girlfriend, another fellow classmate, safe in his wallet (he showed it off to me and my mom, such cheeky boy ~ maybe he was not aware that his precious hair will be trimmed off at camp to show the scalp)

Also, met another fellow elementary schoolmate and his father.

Both of the boys are going to different camps from mine.

The pick up center swelled with parents and kids in no time and what's supposed to be an emotional departure went topsy turvy when buses were suspended by the Jabatan Pengangkutan Jalan (I hope I got it right) and parents and kids were not told about it.

We were going in different directions and I knew no one who's going to the same camp as mine.

Mom had to leave for work and abah stayed on until I got on the bus, at 12 pm.

The bus was supposed to go for another camp but had to make a turn to pick us up.

By the time we reached camp, we had to register and I was assigned to Alpha company and the friend that I just made during the trip was put into Bravo company and what did that make us?

It makes us rival of course.

The trainees from the other camp had lunch with us and left afterwards.

And us, we were given tray, cutleries and cup to take care off.

We had to wash them after the very first lunch. It was very yuckish since the other who came early already done theirs so u can imagine the situation.

Right after that, was the most painful journey.

Everybody had a bag weighing a boulder and our accommodation is up the hill.

I transited 4 times before I was finally at the top.

I took in the surrounding.

There is another hill on top of accommodation hill, which where is the helipad.

The accommodation hill has boys and girls dormitory, surau and class blocks.

Downhill are office, integrated hall (dining+convenience store+sickbay+clinic) and pond.

Climb another small hill and you are on the flat tarred square.

Indeed the camp lives up to its name ~ Kem PLKN Bukit Besar.

It is, HILLY and HUGE.

I got into my dorm where most girls are lazing around.

I picked the bed in front of the door and man, they gave us the locker that we had when we were in form 1 in high school.

It was small.

Anyway, I said hi and sorted my stuff and whats not and were observing with my ears.

There was English being spoken.

There were a group of girls, already broke the ice to my left.

Whom, later, would be my gang throughout the service.

I went downhill alone and, presenting to Nurlina, the outside world.

I have been walled off with somewhat good students. The worst the boys did were chasing the mosquitoes (smoking), ransacked the canteen at night and whats not.

And PLKN is nothing close to that.

It walled off seventeens from across the country regardless social and education status.

PLKN is, the real melting pot to the extent it was scary rather than exciting.

There were boys who served in jail, boys who snatched motorcycles and during the camp itself a girl took some recreational pill.

I found out when we were heading to the surau that my companion is the cousin of my friend who slept next to me for 3 years.

We spoke English the whole day and yes, you should boo me for that.

I like speaking in English but I forgot that it was PLKN, u might repel many people by doing that.

During dinner, I went with my new gang and everybody was jumbled in the dining hall.

The next day, we were segregated into company.

I sat for a brief period with the friend I met on the way to camp with her new friend.

The new friend is a daughter to some army official and her father knows the commandant and she was talking about all sort of things PLKN.

I say, get a life! I don't even bother to catch attention of any higher ranks official.

hahaha.

Up there, walled by the colorful fence are girls dormitories.

Anyway, later in the evening in our night attire, we were put into lines and was given the taste of camp ~ shouting trainers. Really sometime you wish they have pertussis, that would serve them well =p

I put the mosquitoe net for the first time in my life and dozed off on my new bed, wondering what did they have in store for us tomorrow.

Credits : Photos are from this site

another photo dated 2008 was scavenged from the internet.

PLKN : Paging

2011-02-27T13:51:00.000-08:00

We got the call for National Service when we were in final year of high school.

Since Malaysian National Service includes girls as well, you can see anxious girls worrying if their names would be down in the list.

You get to check if you are going to National service by sms or through the web.

My dorm was on the same floor with warden room and prefects dorm.

Imagine that!

But it didn't stop Afiqah from jumping excitedly on the single bed past midnight (which means lights off=silence hour) and yelling that she got off. She need not to go for National service.

Luckily the bed didn't give way, else she would be staying in sickbay next morning.

Ili was in KL for National Kuiz Perdana, and when I rechecked the status via the internet the next day, I found out that I am not going and she is going.

She was saying that she would pay the fine and she's not going but man, she did go for it at last.

I was ok.

I mean, I used to dream to go on campings and hikings but none came my way and at 16, I simply gave it a rest.

I am just not destined to be joining such activities.

So I didn't really look forward to National Service, and the first call, my name was not there.

Second call came when I was having games hour at canteen (yes, u heard it right. Nobody bothered to stretch out at the field and I was not going to go alone)

I think someone said that there are 2 additional names.

Everybody was sent in to panick, what if it's their names?

I simply waved it off. The probability for it to be my names is very unlikely.

The next day, 2 forms came flying into our class.

I for me and another for Badang.

The 2 names were us and we were to fill in some details and food preferences.

So there it goes, my plan to laze around home after high school.

My mom was not that happy about it.

She thought her daughter would be home after 5 years at boarding school.

The daughter on the other hand, was all excited an looking forward to wear combat boots and combat blue suit.

National Service has so much in store. Mostly things I like and enjoy.

The only dissappointment is that I can still see Bukit Mertajam from our hill.

The call has been received and of course I need to learn the official song that was in the commercial. =p

'97

2011-02-16T01:20:00.001-08:00

Teluk Bahang, Penang - Confoederatio Helvetica

1997

Kde jste?

2011-02-11T11:02:00.000-08:00

I like you...a lot

I grew up during that time

By liking someone,

I realized that even though I don't end up with that person, it's all right.

But it was still hard making a decision to leave.

-High Kick Through the Roof-

Like they say, it's such a sad and mystifying ending.

Determination

2011-02-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

There are times, when u want something so badly.

Say, like you really, really want to win a quiz.

And then you would gather everything necessary and put your all into it.

Like if you really, really want to win a quiz, you would gather all the team members and scan on the materials, read them and do as much practice as it takes.

Again, and again and again.

The excitement rushing through you, and you are working like mad, yet, enjoying every part of it and wanting to work somemore.

When the quiz competition is going on, you answer each question satisfiedly, when it's bonus time, the adrenaline flushes througout the system, you frantically hold up the board, or push on the buzzer.

The result does count but anything, above anything, when it comes to a much deserved end, it all went out of you, like confetti out of the tube.

The sense of accomplishment.

Sometime, I wish I would make time for events organized by our student union.

We don't have much, but to be in such self and interperson competition is really quite a pleasure.

Tersadung, Tersembam dan Perkara yang Sewaktu Dengannya

2011-02-05T19:19:00.000-08:00

Growing up in seaside settlement in the era where no one would want to kidnap us, we kids were scattered everywhere in Teluk Bahang.

And to make things easier, my parents got me a bike.

Since I am the firstborn and my brother is just 1 year my junior, sometimes it means having him tailing me, when he's not at the beach rolling his tongue and hands against the splashing waves.

I was an adventurous and a difficult kid, and exercised no safety measure when on the bicycle.

One unfortunate day, I was speeding along a bumpy lane, with my brother on tow and I hit a bump pretty hard that we were thrown off the bicycle, exactly in front of the wooden stairs of whoever house it is.

I bet we crashed so loudly for the lady inside the house to dart out.

As my brother and I blew on our scratches and try to got back on our feet, the lady stayed still at the top of the stairs, horrified, yet still managed to analyse our genealogy (it was a tight knit community, where people know each other way too deeply)

Help didn't come as it should, instead a stupid question came our way.

"Hampa ni cucu Mat Bodo ka?"

(Tok appa was known as Mat Bodo and I embraced the nickname cooly. Mainly because the name is not vulgar, I knew of some uncle who carried penis as their second nickname)

We were both scratched and bled.They were not that bad, still, the small me was hoping that the aunty would do something like coming down to us and offer at least some comforting words and picked my bicycle up for us.

But no. After conforming her that we are indeed Mat Bodo grandchildren, I gathered my bicycle and my brother and start cycling home again and that lady went back into the house.

Such a courteous gesture to kids who were thrown off their bicycle.

When in Standard 2, I got a grandeur bicycle, a blue one, as a present for excellent report card.

The bicycle change but the owner's habit of speeding stayed the same.

One day, I was in school uniform and tailing behind my friend to another friend's house.

The plan was to cycle to the school together.

It was a scorching afternoon and the main road was pretty deserted.

My friend already zoomed across the mini bridge spanning a deep drain, very assured that I'll be behind her still.

Unfortunately, the front rim took a wrong turn and I ended up upside down in the deep drain along with the heavy school bag and the bicycle.

I was trapped and sweating in my kurung inside a deep drain and I had no way of getting out by myself.

I was whispering in pain and my jutting legs didn't even pass out of the drain.

So, help took some time to come to my rescue.

All I remember is few people getting the bicycle off me and extracted me from the drain.

I don't remember whoever they were but I still remember the saving hands.

I had some dab of minyak gamat and some fresh damp towel at my friend's house and next thing I know is, we 3 were cycling for school, and were worrying if the usual mad old man would walk a road that we will be passing and spitting vulgar words at us.

Those are about the bicycles. There were times when discovering the village and nearby hotel nooks was preferable by foot.

It was a quiet afternoon and I had a small group with me, one of them is a cousin from the city visiting.

We wandered up to the tennis court and since it was a hot afternoon and the usual way back would take longer, I decided that we should cross the partly smashed railings.

As the leader, it's obvious that I should be the first to cross.

And as I lifted my leg, my hand caught on stray wires from the railings and I fall on my chin exactly on the edge of someone front door made of crude grey brick and my head hit hard on the small cabinet that they put in front of their house, sending a carpet, luckily not that thick or larger, on top of my head.

It's no more sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga, it's sudah jatuh tersembam ditimpa permaidani atas kepala.

Poor those small ones behind me, they must be shocked to witness such a drama.

I vaguely remember it but I think the lady of the house came out and got the carpet off me and those small ones across the cursed railings.

My mom the tiger never let me off, and imagine what would happen when I came home bleeding from long scratches with obvious bump on my wide forehead, and behind me, trembling small kids had it not been my aunt visiting.

To cap the falling incidents off, I had the last major one at school.

In Kemahiran Hidup workshop to be exact.

It was the day where we were supposed to wear those fussy co-curriculum uniform.

I had the habit of stuffing my legs (they began to shoot scarily when I hit 2nd year of high school) inside the modified cupboard under our table.

Thing is, I had the fan-cut style skirt and the cupboard had a hook to keep the door shut properly.

As we stood up to say our thank you and recite a short verse from al-quran, my skirt caught the hook and I lost balance.

It happened for a worst 2 minutes, the classmates were between shocked and reciting the verses as I assume the movement of jellyfish.

At last, the balance was completely lost and I hit the floor as they said amen.

In the skirt that's responsible for the fall.

Siti Kalut Binti Mat Gelabah

2011-02-04T18:44:00.000-08:00

Something a friend gave to a junior when we were in form 2.

Jotting it down here to remind me how naughty we were back then.

Allah Bersama Kamu

2011-01-30T16:15:00.000-08:00

I just received the news about the situation in Egypt.

Surprisingly, Malaysia is still weighing to evacuate Malaysians there.

I know the number of Malaysian in Egypt is very large but we must have all the budget and things to get our people safe.

However, I'm deeply worried about friends studying there.

They are very dear friends of mine.

The situation must be very tense.

Inside or out the house, nowhere is safe.

I pray that Allah protect them thorugh this ordeal.

My Reply To You

2011-01-29T05:24:00.000-08:00

U said

take years and lots of events

I say

it surely does ;)

U said

Janji yang tertulis di Loh Mahfuz

I say

Exactly!when something is meant to be it's meant to be.

Many years passed by where we walked the road parallelly, never crossing

But here we are, thousand of miles from where we first met, our paths at last, crossing

U said

cepatlah datang sini!

I say

It won't be soon but I will be there again after some time.

For 4 long years, we went through our teen, minding each other business.

It never cross my mind that 3 years after that, we would camp at your place together.

2 years more, we watched as the fireworks blasted the new year eve sky, went to IKEA for 15 brief minutes, seeing you sewing your own curtain and lots more happening.

Thank you for the wonderful times and for everything

Semoga Allah memberkati kita dan semoga ukhuwwah ini dirahmatinya.

Amin.

The Cheese Library

2011-01-28T15:34:00.000-08:00

After almost 3 years, I finally went to the cheese library.

Response : I seriously don't mind paying the taxes. They sure go into good things, inshaallah.

Well, some overview about the library.

It has 5 floors and you can study at the fifth floor in open space, if u r not member or in personal study box, if u r a member.

It has loads of good books, mostly, sorry to dissappoint you, in Czech.

They have something like internet club and an equally large area for magazine.

It's not really quiet like a library's supposed to be but it's conducive enough.

Anyway, I found a stack of atlas and picked up the one entitled Cestovni Atlas a.k.a travel atlas.

I flipped through the pages with beautiful pictures of most of the places on the earth.

From the depressing chunks floating on the North Sea,

to Malboro commercial-like canyon in Colorado,

to oh-so-really-very-beautiful tropical islands,

to scary rainforest jungle with tribes,

to cacti in Peru,

to camels dotting the dunes.

I mean, how magnificient can the earth be?

How so beautiful and so many diverse nature in one small globe. and I am so tiny that you wouldn't be able to see me from the space station.

Really, there so much wonders to be explored, and if this temporary world contain such treasures, how magnificient would the heaven be.

He told me the heaven would have worldly things, except they are much more worthier and far better than what's in here.

Imagine having all the time you need and no worry over airplane tickets, the laundry and where to sleep.

Paradise!

I think, maybe this earth is a very minute representation of the paradise.

The absolute traveller dream.

Admittedly, the road there is an ardous one, but who am I to complain?

Oh, I am that flight passenger. ;p

Photos are from my uniors, Zue and Nik

Kapal

2011-01-19T15:10:00.000-08:00

Tak kisahlah kapal apa. Kapal terbang yang terbang membelah awan mahupun kapal yang belayar di laut membawa apa yang berguna bagi manusia.

Saya tidak pernah lagi menaiki kapal yang belayar di laut, kapal terbang yang membelah awan tu pernahlah.

Namun saya kira perasaan orang yang selalu menaiki kapal terbang jarak jauh (bahasa Inggerisnya, long haul flight) sama sahaja dengan perasaan orang yang belayar lebih dari sebulan di lautan.

Perasaan apa itu?

Secara peribadinya, perasaan itu ialah perasaan yang ingin cepat sampai ke daratan.

Selain dari kali pertama menaiki penerbangan merentas benua, kali-kali yang lain saya mengalami sedikit masalah depresi.

Justeru penerbangan terus 12 jam bukanlah pilihan. Transit is the best option.

Oh, tolong jangan cepat melompat ke dalam kesimpulan.

Bukan la depresi yang teruk pun. Kalau perlukan metafora, intensiti depresi tu lebih kurang perasaan sewaktu perlu menonton video bina karekter setiap malam selama 2 jam setengah di kem PLKN dahulu (serius bosan tahap nirvana)

Bagi kebanyakan orang, mungkin penerbangan jarak jauh agak membebankan kerana

terbang bersama anak kecil. sebab anak kecil kalau dia mula membebel, amplifier kat SOKSEK pun kalah. Paling mantap bila bateri dia tahan lama tak perlu cas.
tempat duduk sempit. tambah pulak kalau kau kena duduk dengan orang yang tidak pernah dikenali.6 jam pun cukup la nak bagi depresi. Oh, insomnia juga.
bilik air yang elegan namun comel dari segi saiz dan bilangan. depresi bila bilangan penumpang 30 kali ganda bilangan bilik air. lagi ramai orang yang mengambil kafein atau alkohol, atau 10 gelas jus dalam masa 2 jam, lagi *sambung sendiri, saya yakin anda tahu situasi seterusnya*
kalau terbang 12 jam tanpa henti di RNR (tanpa transit di mana-mana lapangan terbang), badan melekit kalah dodol + muka berminyak kalah cucoq udang saya.

Bagi saya, itu semua masih boleh diterima. Tetapi saya tertekan disebabkan pemandangan yang monotonus dan sangat kosong tiada isi nun di luar tingkap pesawat.

Memang awan cantik. Bak kapas yang halus mulus lagi gebu pada pandangan mata. Ditambah pula dengan langit biru, mahupun oren. Kalau malam tanpa bintang lagi parah, hitam sokmo.

Saya susah melelapkan mata di dalam penerbangan, cerita-cerita di dalam skrin ICE bukanlah pilihan, permainan maya pula terlalu la-ih. Pilihan yang ada setelah semua sudoku dalam buku sudoku dah penuh hanyalah merenung ke luar tingkap.

Di sini bermula. Depresi.

Selaju manapun pesawat terbang di statosfera (atau lapisan yang manapun), langit Allah sungguh Subhanallah luasnya lebih luas dari pandangan mata.

Jadi setelah 3 jam, selalunya, pemandangan yang sama yang ada di luar tigkap sana.

awan putih di bawah dan langit biru selebihnya. Itu sahaja. Macam your boat alone in the wide ocean with nothing else but the sky, no tiny island, not even a bird fly by.

Kosong bukan?

Bukan, bukan. Bukan sekadar kosong, tapi kosong sekosong-kosongnya sampai hanya ada 2 adjektif saja yang sesuai diberikan kat pemandangan tu ~ kosong dan sunyi.

Sama macam kesusahan nak melalui hari-hari dengan perasaan kosong sebab yang ada cumalah kosong (ayat seorang sister)

Cuba bandingkan penerbangan jarak jauh merentas benua (kita abaikan penerbangan sulung kita.itu kes lain.) dan lautan dengan kehidupan manusia.

Contohnya saya.

Saya asalnya berada dekat dengan Allah, namun saya memilih ke dunia. seperti saya memilih untuk menaiki penerbangan merentas benua 14 jam tanpa henti.

Saya sangka penerbangan itu menarik.

Saya tertarik dengan awan berkepul-kepul, tertarik dengan pramugara-pramugari, tertarik dengan segala macam perkara yang ada di dalam sebuah penerbangan seumpamanya.

Daratan?kita lupakan itu sebentar ya. Syokkkkk sangat naik kapal terbang ni.

Namun, setelah 2jam,saya merasa sudah tiada apa yang menarik di dalam penerbangan itu.

Saya pandang ke luar, cantiknya awan, birunya langit.5 minit berlalu, 7 minit, 20 minit. Kok masih sama pemandangannya. Bukankah kapal terbang ini lebih laju dari Formula Future.

Awat rasa macam dok nampak awan alto-stratus ja sejak 20 minit lepas.

Saya mula merasakan "emptiness" di langit dan awan yang saya nampak. Rasa tertekan sebab kosong tu tak pernah hilang dan konsisten.

Kemudian datang bau harum menusuk hidung dan mengaktifkan amygdala. Dituruti dengan kakak cantik atau pun abang smart membawa hidangan. suasana kembali ceria. setengah jam kemudian, pandang semula ke luar, dan begitulah seterusnya sehinggakan tidak sabar-sabar mahu bertemu daratan semula.

Kamu nampak, Allah itu airport saya, dunia ini penerbangan saya.

Saya pilih untuk ke dunia, terpesona sebentar dengan dunia dan terlupa kepada Allah, atau pun bukannya terlupa, tetapi tidak mahu ambil kisah sangat.

Saya pun seronok meneroka dunia sampai suatu masa saya merasa lelah.

Saya pun berhenti sebentar dan memandang dunia.

Aneh, dunia punya macam-macam tarikan dan banyak lagi yang belum pernah saya cuba (in flight entertainment tidak akan terhabis dalam satu penerbangan Emirates), tetapi mengapa saya merasa kosong, monotonus dan sunyi?sama perasaannya macam memandang ke luar tingkap kapal terbang yang terapung di antara langit dan bumi.

Selaju kapal terbang yang terbang mara, saya rasa saya juga tetap terus bergerak.

Tapi masih kekosongan itu tidak pergi-pergi.

Bukannya tiada teman di sisi.Lagi sekali, macam juga di dalam penerbangan, ada beratus orang lain di dalam pesawat yang sama. Siap ada kemungkinan you die I die lagi (be it teman-teman di sisi mahupun fellow passengers)

Kenapa ruang itu masih ada? ruang kosong yang merimaskan.

Jadi manusia macam saya pun kembali merindui fitrah saya. Fitrah bertuhan.

Dalam penerbangan, penumpang rindukan daratan.

Dalam dunia, hamba rindukan tuannya.

Sedih bukan bila nanti-nanti ada berita, pesawat terhempas, pesawat meletup atau dalam erti kata lainnya, pesawat/penumpang yang tidak akan pernah mendarat sampai kat airport in one piece sebagaimana waktu dia take off dahulu.

Tak ubah macam manusia, dalam perjalanan dia di dunia, boleh terlalai dan membelok ke lain, sudahnya hingga ada yang tidak sampai kepada Pencipta.

Saya telah memilih penerbangan dunia ini.

A flight of no return. (Lapangan terbang ditutup sebab parking dengan runway tak cukup)

And I am already airborne (dah take off, dah dilahirkan)

Sudah meneroka sebahagian kecil nikmat yang ditawarkan dalam penerbangan dunia ini, sudah pun merasa bosan dengannya dan kini sudah 20 minit memandang awan dan langit yang dok duduk macam tu saja sejak tadi.

Mula la rasa rindu dekat daratan (si Dia)

Nanti, akan ada pramugara-pramugari ataupun makan yang sedap-sedap (nikmat dunia la tu!) sampai saya turunkan blind kat tingkap pesawat. Lupa daratan balik.

Saya rasa semua orang akan melalui fasa-fasa macam ni, semua manusia, tak kira yang dah lupa daratan atau yang rindu sangat-sangat dengan daratan (daratan=Ilah).

Mula-mula, saya confused, sebab apa even orang yang dekat dengan Allah pun rasa perasaan kosong dan bosan tu dalam hidup ni.

Awak rase sebab ape? (ayat Kak Lene dan Kak Madihah)

Sebab ni kan penerbangan. Dunia. We are supposed to be fed up with it.

Dan selagi kita masih di dalam penerbangan ni, selagi belum mendarat, selagi itu kemungkinan untuk kita mendarat kat lapangan terbang dan kemungkinan kita nak mendarat kat Pentagon mahupun kawasan-kawasan yang tidak dinamakan lapangan tetap 50-50.

Jadi pakailah seat belt, baca balik manual kecemasan, doa dan teruskan berdoa.

Moga-moga saya dan kamu, moga-moga kita selamat sampai ke lapangan terbang/kepada Ilah kita.

Seperti sirih pulang ke gagang.

Seperti pesawat pulang ke lapangan terbang.

Kita perlu pulang kepada Allah.

Rasa Sayang

2011-01-17T15:42:00.000-08:00

The presence.

The memories, good or bad.

The phone calls.

The gestures and exchanges.

This whole lifetime, eversince you get out of the infancy amnesia.

The people along the way.

Home, preschool, elementary, high school, preparation programme up to university.

Deceased or not.

Happy or sad.

Thank you, thank you for colouring up my life.

Thank you for being there in my photographs, for celebrating the birthdays, for fretting over things with me, for travelling with me, studying with me, eating with me, crying with me and doing anything with me.

It has been such a great blessing.

You know what, there are times like these.

Out of the blue, that I remember many people in my life and am grateful that they were and are there.

And feel a surge of affection for them.

They can be a room away, a continent away, a decade left and even unreachable.

Thank you Allah for giving me this wonderful worldly pleasure.

9 Years Ago

2011-01-13T14:17:00.000-08:00

This is an outdated post, intended to be posted on 12/01/11, to remark the date 12/01/02.

The first time I went through this gate, it was still dark and the street lamps lit.

It was 12th January 2002 and I was 12, or 13, armed with a big plastic bin (for water storage in case there would be shortage in the future) and a bag packed with all the things listed in the offer letter, ready to embark on a whole different journey.

It was my first day wearing turquoise sarong and I was so happy to start high school, and whats more, in a fully residential school.

The idea was cool, the reality, as I found out later during the school year, is not really cool.

Anyway, I was given a pet sis that's supposed to help me through out my first year.

I handed in all the forms, was not really listening to the talks and bought the supplies at the coop.

I have always love the feeling of the start of school year where you would buy stationeries and exercise books and then write your name and class on them. ah, those great yesteryears.

I was the first to get into the dorm so i got my pick for the bed and locker.

Looking back, I was so proud that I was able to live with such a small locker.

It's 1/3 of the locker that we got when in Form 2.

My pet sis taught me how to make the bed and brought me into her dorm.

It was squeaky clean and man, the beds all were done marvelously.

Marvelously = when u drop a pin, it will bounce back. The sheet should be very, very taut.

A batchmate actually didn't sleep on her bed the first few months!

And my pet sis taught me how to fold my clothes. We have a standard of folding cloth. When piled up, the stack should have a sharp linear sides.

Anyway, I don't really remember since when I ditch the standard of folding the cloth.

When I realized it, I was a pet sis myself, showing the girl assigned to me how to make the bed and whats not.

The dormmates for first 2 years. ahh, when we was small and innocent

My parents left early and I was busy making new friends.

Syikin, my only friend from elementary was in the dorm next to mine.

That very noon, we decided to visit the canteen.

Little did we know we are going to wreck havoc and never reach the canteen that day.

I have always been a free hair outside school, so I guess living in hostel is just like home after school.

I put on the brand new green Hello Kitty shirt and track suit and along with Syikin, we went out of the girls' dormitory past those 2 vending machines and straight into boys' dormitory.

Only thing is we had no idea we were going straight into boys' dormitory. No wonder there's dead end and no canteen is there.

But it does sound like a zoo, the boys' dormitory ya know. =p

We casually asked a nearby aunty of what kind is that place we were in and she said it's boys' dormitory and we went oh, ok and made our way up back into the girls' dormitory.

We even stopped by the vending machine and got Coke.

Seriously, we didn't really think what we have just been through is such a matter to dwell on.

So we don't find the canteen, it's ok, we'll try again tomorrow.

We had no idea that up there in the area of telephone booth, were agitated girls ready to attack us with questions.

"Are you a non muslim?"

"I look like a Chinese, isn't it?" ~ soalan dari dalam hati

"no, i'm a Muslim", my answer was replied by girls with gaping mouths.

but why don't you have you scarf on? did you get into the boys dormitory?*bam**bam**bam*

And it was not long after that the news spread around, that 2 girls went into boys dormitory and one even went out free hair.

Let me give you a piece of my mind.

Seriously I thought that I dress just accordingly compared to the gaping girls at telephone booth, they had those ridiculous combination of towel on the hair, short sleeve and sarong from baju kurung set.

God, I was popular above any other people the first day I enter high school.

The 2 girls grew up didn't they?In Form 5, we don't look like we had once barged into the boys' dormitory.

But well, I was so innocent and harmless to take note of my popular status at that time.

I and Syikin went around like other freshies, never alone and always, sporting a necklace with biskut segi empat cap ping pong with our name and class written on it around our neck the whole induction week.

p/s : I hope those seniors got their retribution for that.pftt!

And we were careful to follow every instruction (once again, we were freshies, and what freshies do?they act like cow)

One of them is to greet every senior that we pass by.

And greet them we did.

We= me and Syikin

Girls and boys.

And we were made popular once again.

"Nobody greet boys!" came the mandatory instruction.

"We got news that some girls went around and greet boys from upper year"

Uh-uh, in case they forget, they only say we have to greet senior. No more, no less.

Induction week was epic.

I annoyed the hell out of every F1 girl by calling their name with suffix kak.

When inquired, I said "oh, I was born in December, so I'll call you kak"

The truth is I was so scared of that Julie, it didn't help that she is a close friend of my pet sis, and so scared that I miss any senior as my batchmate.

U never know what else would they do to you if any mistake is to be done.

We already had a rectangular biscuit with our names to take care of, early mornings tip toeing to the bathroom without slippers on (no flapping of slipper in front of seniors dorm), some already kissed the coconut trunk, and God know what else they are capable of making us do.

We already harbor enemies due to the fact we have quite a handful of cuties and beauties in our batch.

I capped off the induction week impressively.

I was playing Hasnah in a medley performance.

"Hasnah anak tok penghulu,

muka dia menggerutu,

rambut panjang macam hantu,

tentu banyak simpan kutu"

"Hasan budak jaga lembu,

hari-hari curi jambu,

kalau nampak tok penghulu,

tentu engkau kena palu"

Obviously I acted very well.

With covered hair of course!

The popularity soared only that I lost my name to Hasnah.

With signatures and birthdates assigment done and my rectangular biscuit safe and sound from demons' hands, my spirit for school flamed even more at the prospect of learning French.

Form one is a tough year but this first month is just the beginning to the exciting, crazy 5 years.

Spot the difference. Top pic was taken in early days. Bottom pic was taken few months into graduation.

Credits : all photos are taken from high school friends collection i.e. Assila, Hanie and few others.

The Last of My Loves, Now, Gone

2011-01-08T00:36:00.000-08:00

The not so good week indeed has not passed.

Just when I'm recovering from the fever, I woke up today to a news, Tok Ndak was called to be with Him.

The last of my loves.

And the only one whom I can't see being prepared for the funeral, the only one who I miss the chance to put rose petals in between the white sheet.

I sent the other four nicely.

I stayed with their bodies before they were packed.

Some of them, I even went to see them off into the grave itself.

The other four left when I was small.

Yes people, I learned of the death at the age of 7.

In the span of 2 years, I lost 4 of my treasured ones.

Life totally have been different afterwards.

It is for me and I know it is for my parents and Nazri too.

When already 3 loves went away, there were just TokNdak and TokTeh.

I recall riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle along those snakey road from Batu Feringghi to Teluk Bahang, and counting who's next in the line.

It had been too tiring for a small me, all those funerals and all those lost loves.

I just know that another one is going to be fetched.

And so he was fetched also.

And Tok Ndak continued to live alone.

Tok Ndak is the one whose life unfurled before my eyes, or maybe the final 1/3 of his life must I say?

I saw him turning from a healthy man into the ones taking many medicine for the aching muscle, from someone who's able to take care of himself to the one who knows nothing, from a mobile one to bedridden.

Watching him, it has teaches me alot. The kind of lesson that only few would have the chance to experience.alhamdulillah.

I had always visit him when he was repairing his net.

Thus, I can proudly point out that the surgeon in the video is sutuing like a fisherman repairing the net, just to be clarified as so by the lecturer.

I know I should be happy that he finally has his much needed sleep.

But I am allowed half an hour of tears am I not?

That is the one who bought me my formula when my parents wouldn't be able to do so.

That is the one among the 5, excluding my parents, who raise and see me up until I go into elementary.

And he survived to see me through high school, foundation and even when I came here for university.

Thanks for everything my love and this al Fatihah I send with you to the grave..

*************************************************************************

a post, without a picture, just memories.

just like the place that out of reach, we only hold to the memories.

Sihat Sebelum Sakit

2011-01-06T02:19:00.000-08:00

There are 5 things before 5 things, and the above things are one of them.

I've survived my childhood pretty impressively, thanks to the jabs of vaccines.

Throughout elementary, I only got scratches and gastric.

In high school, I got yearly high temperatures, of which I coped by going under the duvet for the whole day and got up kicking and healthy after the whole day.

Thus, I don't really appreciate being healthy that much.

When I went to the foundation programme, the high temperatures was no more a yearly affair.

I was ill 3 times in the span of 12 months.

Having been in this 4 seasons country for nearly 2 years and a half, I've been delighted to the fact that I survived the winter without flu and fever and survived the spring without any allergic reactions.

I go into the hospital, make visits to countless patients and go to CT and an operation to remove stones from pancreatic duct.

It finally gets me, about being healthy before being the other opposite.

Plus that 1 month that saw me flashing a casted hand, I couldn't be more thankful that I still get to use both of my hands.

Few days before Christmas, I was bedridden for almost a week.

The first day, which is also the worst day, I was alone since the other 3 were in Poland.

I couldn't for the life of me gets up of the bed and text anyone to bring me some food and pills. Not until the sky got dark after some time.

And when I thought I can now go on the ergometry this Friday, I got another fever and bouts of cough attacks. and the air is ever so dry. great!

(note to self : buy a humidifier afterwards)

In times like these, you get to really perceive and live in the post title.

Being ill has its own advantage ~ it tells you health is one of those things that you can't buy.

Oh, and on another note, something at the airport touched my heart and makes me more grateful that I'm still healthy.

When I was gathering my stuff after going through the body check, I saw a man being body-checked.

In particular, his hands.

They are obviously trembling.

I can tell that it has got nothing to do with the body check.

It's something that has gone wrong. Something to do with his nervous system.

In years to come, it'll become worse.

~~~~~~~~~~

May I be bestowed with prolonged health and will always be grateful for it.

Till then, stay healthy!

Tag Dari Cik Olivia

2011-01-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

Person who tagged : Olivia Chin
Starting time : huh?

Name : an Arabic for Grace
Full name : highly PNC
Sibling(s): 3
eye colour : iris hitam bak bidadari =p, sclera putih dicemari garis merah
Shoe size : 8 saiz Malaysia (sebab saya anak Malaysia)
Height : 167-168 cm
What are you wearing right now : superficially ~ hair band, hoodie and training pants
Favourite number : 9
Favourite drink : laici!!!!!!!
Favourite month : December, because that's when I was born and it's when we start the recollection of the year
Where do you live : in a dowry town somewhere in Bohemia
Hair : rest assured, I'm not bald, yet
Favourite breakfast : it depends

Have you ever
Broken a bone : nope, I broke 2 bones instead
Been in a police car : nope but I'be been in police tank
Fallen for a guy/girl in a short period of time : mungkin pernah
Fallen asleep in school : certainly yes
Broken someone's heart : I think Dr Krs did it for me and Neo during our dissection of the cadaver back in 2009
Cried when someone died : yeah, because they are dear to me
Swam in the ocean : yonks ago
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : nope, I always pick sleep first
Saved e-mails : isn't it automatically done
Been cheated on : if you count all the tests and exam, I think many hundreds, or even thousands of people cheated. it's as same as cheated on the other participant

What
Your room look like : cosy enough and homey enough
What is right beside you : books!!!!
What is the last thing you ate : tic tac

Ever Had
Chicken pox : mak said I did
Sore throat : of course you dope, I've been living for 21 years
Stitches : never

Do You
Believe in love at first sight : heard of it but never give a thought about it
Like picnics? : I do!!!!!!like the ones we used to have in my childhood hometown.

Who
Who did you last yell at? : I've been a good girl that I don't really remember about it
Who was the last person you danced with? : I don't dance with, I dance for
Who last made you smile? : I smile a lot I don't remember when is the last time

Final Questions
What are you listening to right now? : someone in the kitchen sorting stuff
What did you do today? : I do a lot of things, obviously
Are you the oldest? : eldest child in my family
Indoors or outdoors? : I'll take both

Last person who
You talked to on the phone ? : Aina, pi letak teloq kat luaq.nanti dia tegak sebab gerhana. *or something like that*
Made you cry? : I rarely cry.mostly I cried because of pressure of the responsibility
You went to the mall with ? : many people
Who cheered you up ? : many people

Have you
Been to Mexico ? : no
Been to USA ? : tak

Random
Have a crush on someone? : I have crush on many people
What books are you reading right now? : no book
Best feeling in the world? : when u feel grateful
Future kids name? : I'll see to this when I bore a child
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? : I don't put them on my bed
What's under your bed? : puzzles
Favourite sport (s) : swimming
Favourite place : nature
Who do you really hate? : I despise the behaviour not the people in whole
Do you have a job? : I'm paid to study, how's that?
What time is it now? : 543 pm
With however long it took you to complete this, post as " banyak tanya betul!" and tag 15 people not tagging anyone

Miscellaneous

2010-12-18T01:29:00.000-08:00

It seem that I lost my Sagittarius touch in last post.

The girls were home when I came back from hospital and the bowling was cancelled which resulted in me sleeping as early as 7 p.m!

And we also didn't go on a bike.

Instead, we were blowing the highest quality chewing gum, virtually.

Why highest quality?

Because even after you inhale the most you can and exhale until there's no more air exhaleable, the most you can do is pop the gum only once in your twice attempts.

Which make the class look ridiculous to the outsider if any was watching.

The watcher may think we've lost our marbles, cheering for the person who's blowing into whatever device it is and at the same time was looking at the projection of a cartoon blowing pink chewing gum.

Thins is, blowing a virtual chewing gum deserves such cheers (fighting!chaiyok!*insert names*)

It's indicating that school break gonna commence when we sat playing (and the retards, learning) chess, and playing words games by the name Scramble.

Not gonna see each others' faces for full 2 weeks you see.

On another note,

some people feel that I deserve their concern or pity, whatever it is.

But thing is, I'm perfectly happy as I am now.

I am free to do whatever I want, I have friends around me, who I can turn to.

People may see that I keep a certain distance.

A solid yes from me.

I don't like the idea of being tied to, even it's just friend.

When u r too dependent on each other, both will end up hurting.

I see too many of that already. (and experienced it for myself when I was not even 14)

Being with various kind of people in various works and situation, I like this kind of socializing even more than the latter.

I live with these people, go into hospital with other people, sit in lab or lecture with another people and walk to wherever you like, alone or with whoever you want.

U get to know many people, not too superficial and not too deep.

Just enough for u to appreciate them.

And I still love all of them.

We've been through good and bad times, and I believe they are the first ones to be there to offer help when u need it.

I'm not himono onna.

I just make it into my 21, not even 2 weeks have passed eversince.

It's me who choose not to.

Because I can't afford to loose anything for the time being.

Thank you for the concern, anyway.

p/S: semua gambar tiada kaitan. sekadar hiasan sebab mereka cantik

Cakcing

2010-12-16T17:02:00.000-08:00

I know this space has somehow contains post that is deemed gross.

Today's topic is pinworm (bear with it, this is one of my ways to revise microbiology)

Pinworm as the name suggests, is small worm even though not pointy as a pin.

You can find it in the intestine of most kids.

And how would you know a kid is infected with the worm?

Look for the particular little ones that's scratching his buttock (the anus, precisely)

That is because the gravid/pregnant pinworm, scurries at night from the small intestine to anus and deposited their eggs over there.

The eeggs are what that causes the itching.

And a simple diagnosis of this can be done by mothers.

Get a transparent tape of suitable size, stick it to the kid's anus, after a few seconds, pull out the tape and stick it on the glass slide.

Observation under the microscope shall be done by the expert (more accurate diagnosis you see).

Ok, that's it for microbiology.

Tapeworm, the fettucine.

I shall race on a bike that travels to nowhere tomorrow in pathophysiology lab but I know that I'm gonna miss it to catch the practical in the hospital that will finish by 5 pm.

And come back to an empty house, the other three shall be on the train heading north by that time.

I'm gonna start my holiday with bowling and end it with a steaming pot of steamboat with comrades.

Happy holidays!

Stargazing

2010-12-16T00:48:00.001-08:00

I'm an outdoor person, except that I don't get to be outdoor that much of the late.

Yesterday, I looked up, the sky was clear dark blue, there were many stars twinkling.

Except that most of them were orange.

I kept looking up to make sure.

Is it the day after tomorrow?

But everything on the ground looked normal.

And then I realized thay they were moving and some more came up.

I was a beautiful sky.

As a child, twice or thrice a year, our family of four would make our way to the seaside, not for fishing, but for laying on the sand under the starry sky.

Mak would beforehand marinate the whole chicken in honey and whats not.

And abah would roast it, the smell wafting through our tiny nostrils.

It was such a good time, when the waves splashing mildly, the stars scattering the sky, the fine sand of the beach and the four of us, and me, still a kid, without any worry in the world (because I didn't stir up trouble, so I didn't have to be afraid of the smoking husk)

Photo from Flickr

In PLKN, we listed down our life goals.

When once it has been an easy affair, we hardly do any stargazing after we moved.

My parents both have to work, and I left for residential school.

So I put down stargazing as one of my life goal.

Who knows, when the goal is to be realised, we would be together again, now the 5 of us, or maybe even more.

And we would look again at the starry sky, after over a decade, sending our gratitude.

Ameen.

Nuggets

2010-12-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

allow me to be nostalgic.

Spaghetti, Vermicelli, Fettucine

2010-12-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

I grew up in Batu Feringghi.

Before kindergarten, I lived my life chasing after chicks (chicken babies, not girls), coluring my dinosaur colour book with magic inks, trodding on stinky chicken poos, and waiting for the fisherman and their catch of the day.

I can assure you that I was exposed to the natural environment optimally hence my immune system would be fortified.

Even though my granduncle had never failed to dab a generous amount of bedak sejuk on my face (I guess having a fair complexion is not enough, he needed white as the chinese opera singer instead) and take care of my hygienic need, due to me who was constantly playing with earth and flora and fauna, I had to take antihelminths powder.

I reckon most kids in Malaysia my age took it too.

And I can assure you that the powder works very efficiently.

I pooped out a spaghetti.

I was born an observant kids, eventhough I observe things outside the spec of other people.

Say if people would observe the chicken, I would observe its poo.

And one day, after poo, I took a look at my products.

And there it was, glistening, translucent and wriggling.

I didn't see that coming. I thought I had a product only, which is the poo, turned out I had 2 and boy, it was long (to my below 5 years old eyes)

I did what girls of all ages do best.

I screamed as loud as I can, buttocks still smelly and my hero came to my rescue.

He took care of my products and the smelly buttock.

I was still shaken but squeaky clean cute little girl when I wanted to have my Milo.

My hero led me to the table where there's a baby bottle with Milo and next to it, a cup with Milo.

I would of course go for the bottle. Hey I was under 5 ok!

But then my hero told me something that get my hands and mouth off the baby bottle forever.

If I have my Milo or drinks in the bottle, I would see more of the spaghetti.

If I start to have my drink like they do, I will have a peaceful toilet time.

I opted for the latter and I had peaceful toilet time.

And recently, I found out that I was lucky enough to get only a speghetti, fettucine is horrible and vermicelli would be hideous and many more would still be in there even though I excreted one or two of them.

The Interconnection

2010-12-01T13:46:00.000-08:00

This morning I went to pathophysiology lecture.

Topics today are hypertension and hypotension.

It's said that one of he reasons of hypotension is due to ascetic practise.

Ascetic people has low level of stimulation on their sympathetic system, thus leading to decrease vessel tone and eventually hypotension.

Ascetic practise, as told in the class, is where a person behave very polite and decently.

This type of person lack stimulation, especially emotionally.

From what I understand ascetic doesn't engage in exhilarating activity.

Imagine that person who doesn't do sport, not even cheering on the sideline.

The person who look calm and composed all the time.

Ascetic in my lecturer opinion, after saying 'excuse me', is like someone who has no desire for women/men. (lust certainly activate the sympathetic system)

So, his advice is it's better to enjoy life (do you get the drift?make sure u get the right drift ok.)

So that you don't get the hypotension (ok, I made this sentence up)

Gambar sebagai hiasan semata-mata

After class I went back home and read post from fellow blogger.

Read it here (you have to read it so that u can decipher what I'm trying to tell you)

Tonight, on Facebook (ay, I'm busted.too much time online =p), my friend posted a video entitled terencat akal tapi hafal Al-Quran hebat.

I observe people in my free time.

It makes my brain thinks and wonder.

Most of the time, looking at people that I and the society regard as below standard i.e. visually impaired or bedridden or limping, I would first sympathise with them but usually I would leave, virtually saluting at them, of which many normal people fail to have me do the same to them.

It's wonderful how people that we regard as below standard can give us such valuable insight into life, getting us counting our blessing by being the 'below standard' them.

Let me give you a scene

Scene 1 : Florenc bus station information counter, Prague.

a man, obviously visually impaired, look as if he is kissing the computer screen, trying to find me the platform where the bus to Hradec Kralove would depart from. It takes him about 2 minutes, with alternating between kissing the screen and taking 3 breathers, to find it. He, is working.

Gambar sah ada kaitan

And this is the excerpt from holy Quran, taken from the first link, for you to ponder

"Did ye then think that We had created you in jest,
and that ye would not be brought back to Us (for account)?"
(Holy Qu'ran, 23:115)

I find it hard to make a definite comment on my opinions regarding this post.

I have it in my head but not on my fingertips.

So, I gather you would make a good interpretation out of it.

Stresujici

2010-12-01T11:49:00.000-08:00

Monday, missed the message posted on Facebook.

Physical examination practical in hospital burned.

Wednesday, totally forgot about Czech class.

I really need bowling or boxing right now.

Luckily there's nothing that I can throw in this room.

Printer too big.

Boxes too heavy.

Pillows, too light, if thrown will produce below threshold effect.

Arghhhh, I'm very frustrated right now.

My own stuid, idiot fault.

Integrity

2010-11-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

Back in 2008, I was not on the list of 50 people to take the entrance exam by my now university.

Because I was no 52.

And so it happened, most of students from the list backed off, enticed by India.

Since my then college had a complicated management, I was forced to sit for the entrance exam.

Had the offer come a week earlier, I would willingly take the exam.

The offer came when I was preparing for the final examination of my last semester and a week to the actual date of the entrance examination.

Obviously, I rejected the offer.

But I was accused of being ungrateful and things.

How am I supposed to be grateful when I'm the second choice?

Hel-lo

I didn't even have that much time to cover everything.

And since there's no way out, I was determined to make the best out of it.

I have to pass the entrance test.

In less than a week time, I went to the library and borrowed book for the first time since I registered.

more than 3 thick books in one go.

Gambar sah ada kaitan.

I stayed up and put my effort into it.

My friends supported me, lending me their laptop and were there to answer my questions.

I managed to get some phone numbers from my high school friend.

And I called whoever it is, asking about this and that, how to pass the entrance exam.

As suggested, I crammed my head with common names of chemicals.

We used IUPACS names in college.

And boy, really, change is hard.

He told me it's better to opt for physics rather than maths.

Higher chance to get the offer letter in your mailbox =p

My physics was bad, eversince high school.

But since I was determined to pass, I took the risk anyway.

And I was the only one from our batch who opted for physics.

Yes, I am saying that I put up a really good work for it and He helps me a lot.

And since He aproved of me going to Bohemia, I was among the 9 who passed the exam.

I was feeling very grateful and satistfied before someone in quest to comfort his then girlfriend who didn't make it, said shit about our success.

Apparently we were just lucky bunch, who passed with minimal effort.

I won't say the girl didn't work hard herself, in fact she worked hard all year long.

She was a very good girl, and still is.

But that boy was talking shits that made me stand up and defend myself.

My own bestfriend in college was taken by surprise regarding my reply to the accuse.

Well, never tickle a sleeping dragon.

Dan semalam, yang benar telah disuruh untuk menghadiri mesyuarat luar biasa CzeMSA (usah ditanya kenapa namanya luar biasa) di PRAGUE yang sepatutnya bermula pada pukul 8 PAGI.

Biasalah, memikul tugas sebagai bidan terjun bila yang lain menolak untuk pergi (kalau nak jadi doktor kena ada CV, akan ku tulis bidan terjun di bawah kategori pekerjaan dan kelebihan)

Pada awalnya yang benar merancang untuk menelaah subjek Immunology sepanjang mesyuarat berlangsung.

Gambar sekadar hiasan tapi macam ada kaitan.

Namun alhamdulillah, Allah hembuskan peringatan dalam hati.

Mengingatkan yang benar datang, walaupun sebagai bidan terjun, tetap datang mewakili rakan-rakan yang lain.

Dalam erti kata ringkasnya datang degan memegang amanah dan tanggungjawab kepada orang lain.

Dosa buat kat diri sendiri tak terjawab macam mana nak jawab dosa pecah amanah yang diberi orang kat akhirat nanti weh.

Maka dengan penuh keinsafan, buku immunology dibiarkan damai memeram di dalam beg, dan earphone un dicabut dari menyumbat telinga.

Setiap usul dan cadangan yang diketengahkan, yang benar menimangnya (ops, menimbangnya ialah perkataan yang lebih tepat) dengan penuh berhemah sekali.

Jika ada yang kurang difahami, yang benar bertanya dan berbincang dengan Kak Didi yang duduk di sisi yang benar.

Setiap kali pengundian dijalankan yang benar akan memilih, berdasarkan apa yang benar rasa bermanfaat dan dimahukan oleh rakan-rakan yang benar.

Dan yang benar sendiri agak terkejut bila mendapati diri sendiri, merujuk kepada perlembagaan persatuan *satu tepukan gemuruh untuk diri sendiri*

Mungkin pada orang lain di dalam dewan persidangan, yang benar tidak bangun membahaskan usul-usul yang dicadangkan.

Benar itu.

Sebab yang benar sedar yang benar ialah tidak lain dan tidak bukan, hanyalah bidan terjun.

Lagi pun takkan semua 100++ orang yang hadir dalam mesyuarat tu nak cakap kan.

Dah tu siapa pulak yang nak mendengar iya tak?

Dan alkisahnya bangunlah seorang hamba Allah yang tidaklah dikenali oleh yang benar.

Dan termasuk dalam pandangan hamba itu, kebanyakan orang yang berada di dalam mesyuarat itu hanya datang dan duduk.

Katanya lebih baik yang tidak bercakap ni duduk kat rumah saja.

Oh mungkin dia penat asyik-asyik hanya dia dan beberapa yang lain sahaja yang bercakap.

Namun, yang benar sangat marah dituduh sedemikian.

Betullah apa hamba itu cakap.

Balik duduk kat rumah lagi bagus.

Iyalah, kalau nak mengulangkaji pelajaran, nak dengar lagu dari Ipod, nak baca novel, bukankah lebih afdal untuk dilakukan sambil duduk di rumah.

Tapi salahnya hamba itu membuat generalisation.

Siapa yang tidak marah.

Yang benar bangun seawal 430 pagi dengan harapan dapat naik keretaapi pada pukul 6 pagi.

Menapak ke dewan persidangan sambil mengelak najis-najis anjing yang bersepah di atas jalan dari terkena baju kurung kerawang yang disayangi.

Duduk di dalam dewan yang dipenuhi oleh orang-orang yang kurang dikenali selama 4 jam sedangkan yang benar boleh sahaja menyelusuri jalan-jalan indah di kota raya Prague, bersama merapatkan hubungan dengan junior-junior sambil menurunkan petua bagaimana membeli barang degan potongan harga (petuanya ialah dengan muka tak malu, keluarkan kad ISIC dan tanya, can I get discount as a student?)

Memilih membaca perlembagaan persatuan dari membaca buku Immunology (siapa yang merasakan perlembagaan itu lebih menarik, sungguh kamu lebih pelik dari yang benar)

Alih-alih dituduh hanya duduk saja di dalam mesyuarat.

Mahu sahaja melastik mulut hamba itu.

Tapi yang benar sedar, baik yang benar lampiaskan kemarahan di dalam blog setelah yang benar mengisi perut dengan juadah enak di kedutaan, berkenal-kenalan dengan orang yang lebih rasional dalam berbicara serta bersosial dengan rakan-rakan yang dikasihi.

Bersama mereka yang dikasihi

Sekian sahaja dari yang benar.

By the way, originally I want to put "I Have to Make Myself Clear, and I Need You to Know This" as the title of this post.

Akhirkata, selamat meneruskan hidup di esok hari.

The Archer

2010-11-19T14:21:00.000-08:00

In my quest to widen my horizon, I've crossed seas and lands.

I've met so many people along the way.

Learned many things and implemented the values that I collected along the way.

I'm always on the go, always moving forward, or maybe looking upwards is a more suitable expression.

I've changed in so many ways.

Fall too many times to be up and walking, or running again.

And He was there all the time.

Watching and guarding me.

Every moment I fall, every moment I stumble, every moment I threw cautions to the wind.

I was never abandoned.

And He decided that it's time to let me be more free.

Free in so many ways.

Free to explore.

Free to decide on my own.

Free as in free.

I am in any way possible, blessed.

To the point where I am considering to continue to be away.

Kacang lupakan kulit.

Guilty as charged.

Been too pampered with all the blessings and set out to gain more.

Lupa untuk menunduk, melihat ke bawah.

Melihat mereka yang masih tertindas, melihat mereka yang masih di situ sedang aku di sini berlari ria meneroka sini dan sana.

Them, with their limited dream, when mine, reaching infinity.

In this journey of mine, there are oints when I totally forget of these people.

These people who needs me, these people who needs you.

Direly.

Maka, kalau aku terlupa lagi, ingatkan aku, ada yang memerlukan di ceruk sana.

The roads to them won't be easy.

Yang pasti, yang tersurat, mereka amanah untuk aku dan untuk kamu.

Kecil Besar

2010-11-18T14:10:00.000-08:00

tua muda

*merepek*

Hari ini saya beli baju saiz S.

Beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini, saya tidak penah memakai pakaian bersaiz S.

Sekian.

Broumovské Stěny

2010-11-14T02:15:00.000-08:00

known as Broumov Walls in English.

After 2 years of resentment because I had to miss all 4 trips that were organized, I finally joined such a trip yesterday.

It's one of my goal, and something I really like to do and at the end of the trip, I must say that I'm beyond satisfied.

Not even the gloomy weather dampen my gratefulness.

The ship and the pig

We started off from train station, greeting new friends.

It's wonderful to exchange our views and knowledge, and yes, to know what happens to our tuition fees.

Anyway, the Czech student don't have to pay for their tuition.

And the reasons why we international student have to pay for our tuition and the reason why it keeps increasing in subsequent year is because, those money is what that keeps the faculty going.

Allocation by government wouldn't buy us those expensive toys (read: machines), and what is a medical school without expensive bulky machines.

Anyway, we hopped on two trains and then a bus to literally nowhere and began to go into the woods.

Pure, total nature!

~I'm the one who would go into forests, waddling into streams and lost between the trees instead of wandering the streets of Paris or go shopping in Prague.

First leg of the journey had me panting and my junior vomiting.

Luckily we have a vojak(he's a student sponsored by army force) in the group who helped us carry her bag.

I'm envious of the Czechs of course.

They are very fit and well versed of the nature.

Which means

~ they are ready to go when we just arrived and want to take many snaps (anyway, really they don't snap as many pics as we do)

~ they can stand at the end of the stone overlooking the planes down there and not having anyone to tell them "be careful!" endlessly

If you get what I mean

We had soups and pancakes at this chateau which have games' skins and horns on the walls, with big fireplace crackling behind our table and dark carved woods.

And for the cucur that I made, it's unbelievable that the tupperware got empty in no time.

Everyone had one at least, and no one have problem with the chillies in it.

The final leg of our journey was more slippery.

And when you are on a slippery trail I have an advice from my experience.

Never ever have PDA in front of anybody.

Do it when you are walking behind others pls.

Someone may fell and your PDA would be halted. =p

We climb onto this largest stones of all and the wind was blowing hard.

It was very calming up there, with the cool crisp wind on your sweating body.

And what's more, with other people around, enjoying the same bliss.

The stone mushrooms

One of the good things when you are hiking and walking with Czechs is that they will help you to get past those barking dogs.

I'm ok with dogs as long as it don't barks to me and given that it's small.

It didn't help yesterday when most who came along on trips with their owner is as large as a fox.

Oh the Czechs was informed that we had bad experiences with dogs back home.

Out of the woods, we came into 2 cows grazing and a stretch of road leading to glowing sunset ahead.

I know it was not a beautiful road, as stressed by the vojak (he says he can't find anything beautiful about that road)

the trees are bare, the sheeps just a few and there were rusty metal thingies in the fields.

Yes, it's not beautiful at all, but still I feel that it's a road that deserve my affection.

It's simply something in it's own way.

The beautifully agly road

I thought the havoc was over.

We had gone through roots and stones and pebbles and waters but no!!!!

There were two big dogs joining us at the small bus stop and some more people came.

We had a good time waiting with a heartwarming tug of war going on in the bus stop.

I have a good impression on Czechs.

On how they take their small kids on trips with them.

We wonder what is the smallest kid bringing on his small rucksack-his own nappies perhaps.

Isn't that a good idea?! =p

And when the 'bus' came, lo and behold!

It's a big van.

The one that's designed to carry less than 20 people.

The 'bus' set off with almost 50 smelly people (me included), kids included and 2 big dogs.

Thanks Allah, we survived that ride or else the title for tomorrow news would be something like this

"40 people died and 2 dogs traumatized when an overloaded van turned turtle"

Matthew even spell HELP on the misty window and Martin the leader keep counting the time when we would be free from that 'bus'.

I treat the journey as an experience.

A valueable one.

We dropped off those additions and sped up to catch with the train.

At one time, we were parallel with the moving train (what they did in the movie also happened to me!) and we waved it to slow down (and of course they didn't notice us)

The driver was great and we managed to catch that train and didn't have to sleep in the small train station.

I parted off, happy with the day that gave me many new insights, valueable experiences, new acquaintances and lotsa ponderings.

The nature is indeed great to be with and I'm already thinking about the next trip, hoping that I can join it and have my studies alright.